Skimming through pre-marital books, and seeing the sketches of the more “intimate parts” of marriage, usually left me gasping for air. My eyes peeled back in shock. These reading sessions were normally quite brief, since my ability to digest sex talk was quite low as an engaged woman!
My naïve mind was still haunted by the question, “What will my husband think when he sees me naked?”
Months before my wedding I was still vividly imagining the shock on my husband’s face when he discovered my prickly leg hairs, non-existent cleavage, and fuzzy arm hair in all their glory.
Sex with the light on. Never.
Lingerie. Not me.
Bubble bath together. In your dreams.
Sex with
the light on. Never.
Lingerie.
Not me.
Bubble
bath together. In your dreams.
Obviously, I was nowhere near the
definition of a sexually confident wife! Nearly every time I looked in the
mirror my eyes focused on the mistakes.
Here’s why…
For most
of my life I only owned two white bras and boy cut underwear in polka dots and
stripes. I was known as the first person to grab a towel out of the swimming
pool, and the last to walk around in a bra and panties in my all-girls
apartment. Never wanting to draw attention to myself, I was ashamed of the way
God had made me.
The
desire for a perfect figure eventually led me into the biggest battle of my
life so far- an eating disorder. Instead of giving me the confidence I
desperately longed for, this obsession quickly stole my femininity.
I soon
found myself feeling like an “it,” rather than a woman. My womanly figure was non-existent. I
consisted of skin and bones, and was blinded to the beauty within me. The thick
blanket of lies that covered me had succeeded in getting me to think I would
never be pretty enough.
If my
thighs touched together I felt worthless. When my belly stuck out a little I would
run for an hour on the treadmill. If I noticed any sign of fat developing I
would nibble on some lettuce leaves making it my only meal of the day.
The
scale was more than a machine. It eventually became best friend, the smaller
numbers it gave me the more I enjoyed standing on it.
I was starving for confidence. Dying
for change.
Fast forward my story to 2010.
I am now
approaching one year of marriage. I have stopped fighting the battle to be beautiful
and thin. God has shown me that counting calories and staying a size two will never make me feel beautiful.
You will
find me confidently sporting my two-piece swimsuit, even though my body is
nothing like the women on magazine covers. The size of my thighs or how my
jeans fit (even if they are a little tighter!) does not rock my world because I
know that my curves are feminine. The scale only
tells me my weight- it does not determine my confidence.
Although
you may have never struggled with an eating disorder, perhaps, you’ve fallen
into the trap of believing that binge dieting, late night workouts, and skin
regimens can somehow give you the perfect body, and in return give you the
confidence you so desperately desire.
However, deriving our confidence
from the number on the scale or the little tag on the inside of our jeans, will
always leave us dissatisfied, and not to mention hungry!
Are you starving to be confident
in your physical appearance?
Along
with my testimony, perhaps you need a little more motivation in learning to
love the body God has given you…Being
confident in your body will also unlock greater depths of intimacy in your
marriage!
My
husband is thrilled to see that I do not hide my body behind a towel, nor am I skittish
in my lingerie, or fearful to be naked. Nothing could excite him more than to
hear me say,
Sex with
the light on. Definitely more fun!
Lingerie.
Always!
Bubble
bath together. Can’t wait!
As married women, the view we
have of our body does not just affect one person, but two!
Before
you try to wax off all your odd hairs, run yourself crazy on the treadmill, or
complain about your awkward features- stand naked in from the mirror and accept,
with a smile, the body that God has
given you.
If God
can take a woman who was once fearful of gaining a single pound and transform
her into a sexually confident wife, then He can certainly do for you too!
Remember that true
beauty is not something to be achieved;
rather it is who we are as women. Our
bodies are fingerprints of His handiwork.
What awkward features about your body (we all
have them!) are you allowing to steal your confidence?
Are
you still battling to accept the woman you see in the mirror?
Being
confident in our own skin makes us exceptionally radiant and attractive women.
Better yet, it is a priceless gift we can give our husbands every day of our
marriage!
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