To Do #8: Don't Forget the Lingerie!

My lingerie is getting dusty.

My husband left for ten days on a trip for work, the longest we have been apart since being married.  During these ten days I slept over at a girlfriend’s house.

She would have kicked me out if I traipsed around her house in my usual sleeping attire.

I miss my lingerie.

For ten days I was forced back into my frilly heart pajamas, and plaid baggy bottoms with a simple t-shirt.  So plain. I wore those for 27 years of my life.

Ofcourse I am not saying get rid of your old raggedy t-shirts or worn-out flannels, they are great for occasions just like these- sleeping with friends, big family vacations, or when company is staying over.

But now that you are going to be a married woman I highly recommend taking a trip to the lingerie store and only bringing out the oldies when absolutely necessary.

Lingerie stores use to petrify me. Seriously. I would mutter phrases under my breath like,

“Please… why do women need to wear that!” Or “Geesh, that is awfully skanky...”

Or “that is way too revealing. What’s the use?”  Or, “That can’t be comfortable.”

But that’s only because I was a single girl. Totally inexperienced and naïve about what married life was all about.

Lingerie was for those other women. Women who were not married. Women who had no values. Women who had the “stuff” to show- off in items like that. Surely those women were not Jesus loving, passionate women after God’s heart.

Thankfully I had a revelation.  Lingerie wasn’t just for the “other women” but it was actually more for us godly women! If anyone should be wearing that stuff it should be us!! Women who are committed to their man for life.

God honoring women were allowed to be sexy too!

But what about my body? I would never dare to try on something like lingerie- lacey, silky, see-through, my mind screamed, “eeekkkk!” But deep down inside I really wanted to just see what it was like.

Thankfully God showed me that no matter your size or shape, lingerie adorns your body like whip cream on hot chocolate. It does not add or take from what you already have, but it gives you that little extra. It would be silly to say that marriage is all about the lingerie you wear. Ofcourse, it’s not.

But my point is this- Lingerie adds a little decoration into marriage. Not only is it a special treat for you, but your husband will want to look at you forever.

The best part is… you don’t have the body of the Victoria’s Secret model to slip into a lacey night gown, it makes every woman feel like a princess no matter the size or shape you God has given you.

My outlook on lingerie did not change overnight. But two bridal showers later, I went from 2 white bras and polka dot underwear to a drawer overflowing with enough intimate wear for the whole first two months of our marriage!

It made me blush just looking at in the drawer! But trust me, lingerie is no good until it’s worn.  Now was my chance. I could finally get to try it on. Too frightened to appear in a store browsing around for unmentionables, I now had my opportunity.

Hours later… I was grinning, spinning with excitement for the wedding night, feeling confident, and womanly.  I had finally tried on everything I had received from only my first bridal shower.

Slipping into made me feel like a present waiting to be unwrapped by my husband.

 I suddenly realized how special, not skanky it was.  

Instead of complaining I would never wear it, I now wanted more.

The more revealing it was the more it made feel like a princess.

And to my surprise these less coverage items were much more comfortable.

Now, I know some married women who NEVER highlight their bodies by wearing such things anymore. It stopped the day after their honeymoon.

And all I can think is… Sad, there lingerie is getting dusty. Not that their husband loves them any less. But lingerie is a simple way to keep the love vibrant, fresh and young in marriage.

 It seems to say, “I am still ready for you. Still in love with you. Still pursuing you. You are still worth it.”

Who would not want to say that to their husbands!

So before you go and try to find the perfect shoes to match your wedding dress, make sure you have invested adequate time in picking out the stunning little number for your honeymoon night and… have enough for a few nights after that!

God honoring women can be sexy too!

To-Do #7: Surrender the Beauty Battle

Skimming through pre-marital books, and seeing the sketches of the more “intimate parts” of marriage, usually left me gasping for air. My eyes peeled back in shock. These reading sessions were normally quite brief, since my ability to digest sex talk was quite low as an engaged woman!

My naïve mind was still haunted by the question, “What will my husband think when he sees me naked?”

Months before my wedding I was still vividly imagining the shock on my husband’s face when he discovered my prickly leg hairs, non-existent cleavage, and fuzzy arm hair in all their glory.

Sex with the light on. Never.

Lingerie. Not me.

Bubble bath together. In your dreams.

Sex with the light on. Never.

Lingerie. Not me.

Bubble bath together. In your dreams.

Obviously, I was nowhere near the definition of a sexually confident wife! Nearly every time I looked in the mirror my eyes focused on the mistakes.  

Here’s why…

For most of my life I only owned two white bras and boy cut underwear in polka dots and stripes. I was known as the first person to grab a towel out of the swimming pool, and the last to walk around in a bra and panties in my all-girls apartment. Never wanting to draw attention to myself, I was ashamed of the way God had made me. 

The desire for a perfect figure eventually led me into the biggest battle of my life so far- an eating disorder. Instead of giving me the confidence I desperately longed for, this obsession quickly stole my femininity.

I soon found myself feeling like an “it,” rather than a woman.  My womanly figure was non-existent. I consisted of skin and bones, and was blinded to the beauty within me. The thick blanket of lies that covered me had succeeded in getting me to think I would never be pretty enough.  

If my thighs touched together I felt worthless. When my belly stuck out a little I would run for an hour on the treadmill. If I noticed any sign of fat developing I would nibble on some lettuce leaves making it my only meal of the day. 

The scale was more than a machine. It eventually became best friend, the smaller numbers it gave me the more I enjoyed standing on it.   

I was starving for confidence. Dying for change. 

Fast forward my story to 2010. 

I am now approaching one year of marriage. I have stopped fighting the battle to be beautiful and thin. God has shown me that counting calories and staying a size two will never make me feel beautiful. 

You will find me confidently sporting my two-piece swimsuit, even though my body is nothing like the women on magazine covers. The size of my thighs or how my jeans fit (even if they are a little tighter!) does not rock my world because I know that my curves are feminine. The scale only tells me my weight- it does not determine my confidence. 

Although you may have never struggled with an eating disorder, perhaps, you’ve fallen into the trap of believing that binge dieting, late night workouts, and skin regimens can somehow give you the perfect body, and in return give you the confidence you so desperately desire.  

However, deriving our confidence from the number on the scale or the little tag on the inside of our jeans, will always leave us dissatisfied, and not to mention hungry!

Are you starving to be confident in your physical appearance?

Along with my testimony, perhaps you need a little more motivation in learning to love the body God has given you…Being confident in your body will also unlock greater depths of intimacy in your marriage!

My husband is thrilled to see that I do not hide my body behind a towel, nor am I skittish in my lingerie, or fearful to be naked. Nothing could excite him more than to hear me say,  

Sex with the light on. Definitely more fun!

Lingerie. Always!

Bubble bath together. Can’t wait!

As married women, the view we have of our body does not just affect one person, but two!

Before you try to wax off all your odd hairs, run yourself crazy on the treadmill, or complain about your awkward features- stand naked in from the mirror and accept, with a smile, the body that God has given you. 

If God can take a woman who was once fearful of gaining a single pound and transform her into a sexually confident wife, then He can certainly do for you too!

Remember that true beauty is not something to be achieved; rather it is who we are as women. Our bodies are fingerprints of His handiwork.

 What awkward features about your body (we all have them!) are you allowing to steal your confidence?

Are you still battling to accept the woman you see in the mirror?

Being confident in our own skin makes us exceptionally radiant and attractive women. Better yet, it is a priceless gift we can give our husbands every day of our marriage!

This post was featured on Shannon Ethridge's Sexually Confident Wife Blog

To Do #6: Learn to Dance

The real dance of the wedding day has nothing to do with the right shoes or the smooth moves.

My husband and I were very much aware of our dancing handicap. We knew quite well that our first dance on our wedding day would be a shocker. 

A picture of awkwardness; like two clumsy clowns trying to find their feet after colliding into one another.  If we did not get some timing to our step and flow to our bodies we would be an embarrassment to all.

As if I did not have enough pressure already. Friends were flying in from all over the country, the last minute details were coming together. Being a determined bride, no box was going to be left unchecked.

But I was afraid time was running short. The “learn to dance” box was still empty days before our wedding.

 I felt the pressure from countless bridal websites telling me that the first dance should be so well choreographed that everyone is left gasping at its beauty.

Most couples seemed to have planned their every move, practiced for hours each day, and got professional lessons. They looked like an old married couple waltzing across the floor, like they foreknew the other’s step before it was even taken.

However, more important than the fancy steps, the swing dance flips over his shoulder, or the wows from the crowd, is the dance called marriage.

This is the dance that you want to practice, starting now while you are engaged.

Work on being in sync with one another, by that I mean, getting to know one another better. Know what makes the other person’s day. Know how to please one another in every way.

Learn the “fancy steps” of marriage.  Loving one another unconditionally, forgiving and forgetting, encouraging and serving one another.

As for the “swing dance flips,” you will learn these with time. These are the mountain tops of marriage that come as you get in rythem with each other. Marriage is overflowing with moments such as these, but they only come with practice and a willingness to always keep moving forward together.  

This is a well choreographed marriage that will truly “wow the crowd.”

I am sure you are wondering what happened on my husband and I’s first dance.

We got in a short practice with some of our gifted swing dance loving friends, but I cannot say those 30 minutes were a success.

We only realized once more that our dance moves are naturally dreadful. Everyone else seemed to be floating around on the wood floor, while were like two elephants with four heavy feet each. We were a tangled mess.

However, the first dance did not resemble the style we were so prone to exhibit.

Surprised hardly describes how we felt on our wedding day as we whirled around in the backyard like no one was watching. We were not performing, or trying to impress. As newlyweds we were enraptured with one another.

 These clumsy clowns realized the secret to dancing. It lies in looking into one another’s eyes not just while the music is playing but for a lifetime.

This is the marriage dance. It is the dance that we will persistently pour our effort and time into practicing.  

If you are feeling overwhelmed by needing to have a first dance at your wedding, let it worry you know more! Coming from a bumbling bride, you will have a lifetime to practice “dancing.”