Plan It Like A Party ;-)

As I was skimming back over some marriage books the other day, preparing them to give to a newly engaged friend, I couldn’t help but notice a statement I had ignorantly underlined. I laughed to my husband, “Sweetie you won’t believe what I underlined and even put a question mark by in this book!”

To my shock the author of the book boldly declared,

“Make sure to plan sex…”


This little one-liner was devastating when I first read it- Put sex in the schedule… are you serious? I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. My heart fluttered just thinking about the marriage night and the romance we would share in for the rest of our lives together. But in just a few words my paradise was popped! Now they, the supposed experts, were telling me I had to plan sex like it was a dentist appointment!

Was this guy crazy? I thought of all possible explanations. Maybe his life was really crammed full? Maybe His marriage was suffering? Maybe sex wasn’t really his thing? Or maybe he might just be one of those freaky planner people like myself?

Nevertheless, his alarming statement still caused my blissful state of dreaming to come to a halt. Up until that point, I had thought sex was a spontaneous expression of marital love and commitment.But now he was making it sound more like duty than desire.

At the moment, I thought he was in the wrong, not me the newly engaged woman.


I knew marriage took work, but at the time I did not know that even the fun stuff in marriage, like sex, would be a chore too! What a way to spoil my pre-wedding bliss!

Fast forward a year and a half and I not only kind of agree with the author but I wholeheartedly agree his outrageous statement - plan sex! Thankfully I am not on cloud nine anymore. I’ve realized that life happens and it happens fast. Before you know it, Monday is already here again. Even without me having a full time job and despite having any children, sex can still easily become very low on the priority list. If you don’t at least plan it a few hours or days in advance, us as women especially, will wear ourselves out during the course of a day and come “play time” we are pooped!

But I encourage you not to think of planning sex like any other appointments you normally make. How sad if sex becomes something clinical and sterile. Rather than making sex formal, planning actually makes it more fun! As the day goes by your excitement only builds!

I know it may sound strange to hear, as it did to me a couple years ago, but I encourage you newly married women to get in the habit of planning some steamy love sessions with your hubby! And if you are far from your honeymoon night… that’s great! It means you have more time to put this into practice {and I don’t mean practicing sex!} but in making “you-me” time deliberate instead of leaving it to just a coincidence.

Not that you will have to plan sex all the time, but let’s be honest, we organize vacations, we arrange for parties, and we think about our weekends, why not put some of that planning expertise into making time for our best friend.

What do you think?

From my heart to yours,

Charissa