To Do #2: Woman To Woman Time!

Who do you know? This is the question I propose to you today.

As a young soon- to -be married woman it is a wise choice to find someone you can truly open up with and be yourself with. Someone besides your soon-to-be husband or your single girl friends! Your relationship with this woman will be like a marriage/sex accountability partner.

 So who do you know? Or perhaps, who do you need to get to know.

 In thinking about who this could possibly be in your life, I want to be completely honest with you about a few things:

1.       Choose a Christian woman who is in love with God, someone you admire, and can easily talk with.

2.       This woman must not be ashamed to talk about sex. And I mean real sex topics. Stuff like orgasms, masturbation, birth control, the first night, you get the picture!

3.       If it all possible, think about choosing someone other than your mom. (Even if you can talk to your mom, having another woman to talk to about marriage and sex will give you another perspective.)

4.       Most importantly she must be still passionately in love with her husband, thoroughly enjoying her marriage and her sex life.

Why am I recommending all this? There are several reasons.

1.       I have walked this road before, and want to share with you what I learned.

2.       As a young engaged woman, the passionate sexual side of me was beginning to open up. I begin to have a lot more questions than I did when I was single and even dating. Where do you turn? Books, sermons, and websites are all helpful, but there is still nothing more valuable than an actual person!

3.       Although my mom and dad have an incredible marriage, and I love my mom to bits, having a marriage/sex talk with her felt shameful and slightly embarrassing. Example given below:

I will never forget our first and last talk in the car one day about a month before my wedding.

 It went something like this, “Why are you reading books on sex. What is there to know?”  This comment caught me off-guard. “There is actually alot to know,” I replied, “I want to learn how to be an amazing wife and please my husband in every way.”

“Well,” she said bluntly, “sex is not everything. Besides there is only one way to do it. What else do you need to know about it.”

Sex is not everything. That is true.

4.        BUT I also knew this- I wanted to get a PH.D in my husband. I wanted to learn more how to love him, please him, and be a beautiful godly wife.

5.       I also wanted this time of preparation spiritually, mentally, and physically to begin now, as an engaged woman.

[Enter Dar.]

Thankfully, the Lord put someone in my life during my engagement season named Dar. She had experienced a fulfilling and satisfying marriage with her husband in every way. (If you know what I mean!)

Just to show you how comfortable she was, she openly shared to women in our church about how amazing bubble baths are with your husband, as well as chocolate syrup and whip cream sex! One of her first questions to me was, “So what positions are you most comfortable with?” (Eeekkkk!!!) Needless to say, we jumped right in, holding nothing back! I had never seen such a mix. A woman crazy in love with God and crazy about her man!

6.       Having a woman who will help you to reframe your perspective on sex and marriage will only BENEFIT you and your husband in the long run. We are so used to hearing that talking about sex is crude, shameful, and even sinful. But please hear me. God created sex as beautiful, exciting, and so much fun!

7.       Don’t be naïve about all that marriage entails, but learn to be a confident, mature, and wise woman when it comes to God’s most beautiful and sacred gift to us.

**One more additional note:

You are able to use your time better when you meet together, if you prepare questions in advance, or have a book that you go through together. (Dar and I went through parts of “Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds” together)

So who do you know in your life?

Before you go to a single friend, or get overwhelmed by another pre-marriage preparation book,  find someone like Dar, who can help you understand all that is going on in your heart, mind, and body as you prepare for the big day and a  new life together with your husband.