To- Do #21: Forget the Strike!

Sometimes I want to make a sign, put it on a stick, and stand outside my house, pacing back and forth, shouting, “No more laundry…no more food… I want more love and fun times too!” 

I want to go on a marriage strike! 

To be quite honest, sometimes I want to a little break from being married, from the responsibility of being a wife, taking care of our home, and from always having to consider my husband when making decisions. I want to independent and alone. Free to do whatever I please. 

A marriage strike would be my way to get my husband to take notice of all that I do for him. It would give me space to speak my heart, freely complain, and get the last word of an argument. I would have the liberty to be selfish and stingy. I can just think about myself, demand my own way, and consider only my needs. 

{I can’t believe I just said all that. I am cringing at the thoughts I sometimes think!}


Although I have never gone on an actual marriage strike, I have done it in my heart. There are moments where I just want to call it day, give up, and stop trying. If you have been married for any length of time you know that some days everything from communicating to intimacy takes HARD WORK; while, other times, marriage is full of roses and rainbows.


It is these times of constant tension that make most married couples want to pack up and leave. 

When my husband and I were dating and engaged there were moments where I wanted to break up, or at least just take my ring off and pretend as if I was single again…I did both! I was still clinging to my own life, where I could be selfish and moody without affecting someone else.  

Now that we are married unfortunately that hasn’t changed, except for this fact… we are in a covenant together.  Although the dirty side still comes out, when we yell at each other, hold grudges, or go to bed angry, I know that we both will never utter the words, “I quit!” 


Although divorce isn’t an option for us, a marriage strike would be a nice alternative!  A time where we can just vent, cling to our rights, and demand more love and respect.

Sure, I might look silly picketing outside my house, but I could at least feel better and get my point across more clearly.  However, it would never solve

A


N


Y


T


H


I


N


G.

I know because I have tried it. In my heart I declared, “No more laundry…no more food… I want more love and fun times too!” 

But God did not design marriage to be one-week- off, one-week-on kind of thing. It is all day, every day, for the rest of our lives. This commitment is not worth complaining about.  The hard work may be exhausting but it doesn’t do any good to moan and groan.

Hard work and commitment are actually the very two qualities that help us persevere through tense times and develop a stronger love for another.

It takes two people giving 100% to make a marriage flourish. Then the chant becomes two people in unison, “No more fighting… no more tears…  we are here to love and serve…each other!”

Before you shout the words, “I give up!” Try giving even when it’s most difficult. Try selflessness even when all you want is your own way.

  

Put the strike on hold and persevere in your covenant love towards your man!

A Little Secret...

Shhh... :) I am over here at this blog today, sharing a little secret about married life, in particular when it comes to our husband!

So to start off...

What's hard on the outside, but has a soft center? Hint: It's not a type of chocolate!

                I bet you'll never guess...

To find out the answer and a little tip for your marriage, pop on over here! Enjoy!

Freed by Love!

I'm not here... but here today!




Here's a sneak peak...

"Charissie...Do you know what?"

"What?"

He stares into my eyes with a look that only I am privileged to see, "I LOVE YOU."

A smile breaks across my face. We squeeze each other tightly, savoring the moment as if it were our first hug. Although held in his arms and wrapped in his love, my heart feels completely free.

Join me over at  She Just Got Married to read the rest!

A Real Wedding Dress.

We are honored to have my friend and newlywed wife, Laetitia King ,sharing her heart with us again! In this post she details a beautiful revelation she had about her wedding dress...  every woman can relate!

I didn’t want to take my wedding dress off! My sister warned me (after she got married) that every bride grows strangely attached to the piece of material wrapped around her body on her wedding day. Even though I only wore it for six hours, it felt as if it has been part of me all my life. Maybe it was because of all the effort that went into dreaming about it. Not that I am someone that thought of it since I was five, but when George asked me to marry him, I knew my dress had to be special. It had to be well-defined, unique, a dress that revealed my style, my taste, and made me beautiful.

In search of this perfect dress, many questions went through my mind.

If I was in a fairy tale, what would I wear...and what not?
                     Would my husband like what I choose?
         Will I make the right choice?

Luckily I knew the answer to that question long before my wedding day. I knew it the first time I saw the white ball gown in the old movie “My Fair Lady.” When I saw the dress in the movie it spoke to me.

It was a vintage dress with lace and pearls shimmering in the light. I was captivated as I watched an ordinary street lady walk down the stairs looking like a queen. The movie was my first real encounter with a make-over. Feelings of enchantment washed over me, when I saw the woman changed from an ugly duckling to a gracious swan. It was a scene worth remembering.


Every bride seems to hold her breath as she slips into her wedding dress for the first time. She gazes into the mirror. The power of the moment is overwhelming. A little girl turns into a woman, a commoner transforms into a Queen, a single woman becomes a wife! 

This is exactly what I felt when I became the wife of George King. Wow! When I saw everyone looking at me walking down the aisle, I felt like a queen. It wasn’t an unusual feeling...rather it was a very familiar feeling.

During my journey with God as a single He taught me the true value of being His bride. But when I put my wedding dress on that day, my spirit leaped within me. A new realization swept over me. I was exactly what God promised, exactly what God intended, exactly what God designed. 

But then... the time came where I had to take off the dress. It was dreadful. I felt stripped from the preciousness I felt during the wedding celebration. In just one breath, I became myself again.

A normal person.

In normal clothes.

A commoner.

A nobody.

There are many moments in life that want to strip us of our Royalty, and steal the preciousness of living. Times of anger, frustration, and confrontation often leave us feeling naked, common. Like a no-body.
Sometimes we look at our physical circumstances, and we are tempted to feel robbed. We may look at our bank account, the time we spend in traffic, our performance appraisal from our boss, or just the lack of romance in our marriage, and we wonder... who am I? We feel stripped of our crown.

Often times, we choose the wrong action. We become dissatisfied and lonely, depressed and downcast. Instead of feeling like a Queen in God’s kingdom we simply feel like a guest at a wedding.

But God has clothed us with Christ. In that powerful historic event of His crucifixion we were transformed to be a Child of God. A Queen. We can once again hold our breath, wrap ourselves in the character of Christ, and choose to put on His likeness. Our wedding dress of righteousness fits perfectly. We can be confident that we are the beautiful Bride of Jesus Christ.


What will the guests of earth say about us? Hopefully, they will be found saying...

Wow...where did you find such beautiful material? How did you manage to get all your flaws covered? How did you become so gorgeous? Who chose the material you are wearing? Why did you transform from a nobody to Royalty? 

And may your answer be...

Only those wrapped in Christ will know! 

In Christ, we get to wear a wedding dress every day and experience the same feelings we had on our wedding day! This revelation will impact our daily lives- from how we work, speak, and love our husbands. 

Have you chosen to put on this wedding dress that Jesus offers us?

Two Little Words We Need To Learn!

I am not here today, but here!

Join me as I talk about two little words I have learned in marriage that are just as important as "I'm sorry!" I won't give it away... you have to go check it out for yourself :)

Do you have His Perspective on Sex?

Growing up, although I was naïve and sheltered, I had this innate sense that sex was something very beautiful and worth waiting for until marriage. My parents never told me anything, at least nothing that I can remember. My mom and I only started talking about it only a few weeks before my wedding day.

We were driving in the car together probably on our way to pick up more wedding supplies and she asked, “Why do you need to read books on sex?” Obviously she had seen the books I was reading in my bedroom, "The Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds," and “Sheet Music.”

“There is a lot more to marriage than that… it’s only part of it. Besides, there’s only one way to do it anyways.” 

After a few minutes of awkward questions and short answers, our conversation was over. I love my mom and have always known, despite the fighting and the tears, that her and my dad were, and are, best friends.

But her words got me thinking… why did I think sex was so important? Maybe she was right… I don’t need to read anything about it. Maybe I shouldn’t be… am I sinning? Am I reading about something that is so sacred that I should only let God reveal it to me once I am married? As a bride-to-be was I making a bigger deal out of it than I should? 

However, I just knew that sex was something deeply profound, spiritual, and not to mention, exciting! I was not reading out of sheer curiosity {although I was definitely intrigued}, I was reading so that God could begin to prepare my heart, mind, and body for the lifelong commitment I was making with my husband. I guess you could say, I did not just want a diploma in marriage, but as Gary Thomas wrote in his book, "Sacred Marriage," I was working toward a PHd in my husband! 

I knew the wisdom I was searching for about sex and married life would not happen overnight. It certainly wouldn’t happen through just reading books, listening to sermons, or talking to older women. The mystery of marriage was far deeper than words could ever explain. The real lessons would begin after my husband and I said our vows, in the practical everyday experience of married life. 

However, I knew had to start letting go of all the incorrect views of sex that I had received along the years and allow God to give me His picture of it.

I asked Him to wipe away the images of my baby-sitter showing me a book on sexual positions that she had found in her parents study room. Sex was more than just pages of mechanical procedures. 

I asked him to remove the childish mindset I latched onto when my health teacher made the whole class say, “penis” out loud. Also in that same class sex I needed to erase the memories of all of us 16 year olds learning where the g-spot was on a woman… as if sex was just another casual, ordinary human function like going to the bathroom and any person at any age could handle it! 

I asked Him to help me release the shyness and extreme modesty I had that stemmed from the way my body looked. The endless years I engaged in of comparing boobs, skin, and body shape with other women. Sex stretched beyond just the physical. 

I asked him to take away the shame I felt in openly talking about sex since I never really had anyone to discuss it with besides a bunch of college girls who were naïve and nervous about it. I wanted to be able to talk to my husband about it someday, and that someday was happening soon!

I asked him to get rid of all the crude and nasty jokes I heard about sex while growing up- just going to high school and hanging around with friends. As well as all the worldly images I had laid up in mind from movies and TV. Sex was much more sacred than they made it out to be. 

Although I never had sex before I was married, it’s not to say I didn’t have my own issues to work through. There were perspectives and experiences on sex that needed to be stripped out of mind and heart so that I could lay bare before my husband without shame, embarrassment, guilt, or shyness.

Indeed, God created sex between a man and a wife with a specific purpose in mind. A purpose far greater than anything I had ever thought, been told, or had seen. If sex was started in God’s wild imagination than I wanted to know how He saw it!

After being married one year, I can definitely agree with my mom, “There is more to marriage than just sex.” However, I am making new discoveries everyday of the Grand purpose God had in mind when He created sex. The power it has to heal, restore, unite, and beautify a marriage is beyond what I ever imagined.

Now that I am married this is one of the biggest lessons I am learning  : Sex is worth taking seriously! 

Whether you are married or not… What are some false perceptions you have of sex? How do you need God to help you see it His way?

To - Do #20: Practice the Art of Little Things

I had just come home from grocery shopping and like any usual day my  husband was still working at his desk {aka: our kitchen table :) }  However, in a matter of minutes, passionate love started to blossom...  right there in the middle of the day!

My husband had managed to turn routine into romance! Normal into notable! And the everyday into exciting!

Please join me over at this community today to read the rest! 

 

What ways do you surprise your husband or fiance? It doesn't take much! The most  simple and effortless acts of love are most often the ones that bring  the most joy in marriage!