We were getting married in just a week and my husband actually had the nerve to tell me that he did not want me walking down the aisle to the song I had chosen.
“That’s okay,” I thought, “We can work through this.” While inside I was fuming! Surely this is not a Christian thing to do! My husband-to-be was already telling me what I had to do!
Was this a sign of things to come?
Indeed it was.
But rather than a sign of the many disagreements we would face, it was a sweet picture of the compromise that would undoubtedly be present every day of our marriage.
Before I tell you the end of the story, let me tell you that my husband and I are extremely different, or maybe we are too similar. But regardless, we clash a lot. Throughout our dating years, there were a few break-ups over this very fact- our differences. These differences ranged from the foods we ate to the activities we enjoyed, to our personalities and our work ethic.
But we had a mysterious love for one another. We could not be without each other. We always wandered back into one another’s arm. It’s where we felt the most peace. However, our love would prove be meaningless, if we never learned the art of compromise. If we were going to enjoy being married to one another we, at times, would need to agree upon a happy middle.
As Christians the word compromise is anything less than sweet. Most often it means a person has one foot in a worldly life, and one foot in God’s kingdom. They can be called repulsive luke-warm, and perhaps a hypocrite.
But in marriage, we need to get the picture of a luke-warm, hypocritical Christian out of our mind. Compromise is truly one of the best tasting words that can roll off your tongue between a husband and a wife.
It means we are considering someone else’s needs above our own.
It means we are willing to not get our own way.
It means our way is not always the right way.
This is the art of compromise. Two distinctly different people gradually become one.
Rather than losing our individuality, compromise actually refines us and makes us more like Christ. It accepts the fact that we are still far from perfect.
When I heard that my husband did not like the song I picked, you would have thought I had chosen an offensive rap song to walk down the aisle too, rather than a beautiful worship song titled, “One Pure and Holy Passion.”
He did not know what he had done to my heart. I had dream about walking down the aisle to this song. I just knew it was the one, God told me.
At this point things could either blow up into a major fight with tears, yelling, and slamming doors. Or we could walk through this decision together. Work it out like mature adults, keeping our words coated in grace and love.
Thankfully, the later was true. I was able to get a hold of my emotions and hurt, and learn one of the greatest lessons in the school of compromise.
Many ladies that I tell this story to, engaged women in particular, gasp with a look of horror when I say that my husband made me change the song.
But looking back, it was a testimony of God’s design for marriage. It was not my wedding, just like it was not my marriage. It was our wedding, and it was our marriage. When two people become one, compromise is inevitable. Marriage will challenge the way you live, the way you think, the things you hold so strongly too. It will make you a different person, and an even better wife.
Don’t hold so tightly to your way and your desires. If there are places you need to learn the art of compromise, there is no better time to learn than when planning a wedding together.
Don’t let your differences tear you apart.
Even if it means changing your song!
Side note: I ended up walking down the aisle to “I Can Only Imagine.” We sang the other song I wanted during the worship time. The compromise worked out perfect and we were both happier!
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