I am not here today, but here!Join me as I talk about two little words I have learned in marriage that are just as important as "I'm sorry!" I won't give it away... you have to go check it out for yourself :)
Two Little Words We Need To Learn!
I am not here today, but here!Join me as I talk about two little words I have learned in marriage that are just as important as "I'm sorry!" I won't give it away... you have to go check it out for yourself :)
Do you have His Perspective on Sex?
Growing up, although I was naïve and sheltered, I had this innate sense that sex was something very beautiful and worth waiting for until marriage. My parents never told me anything, at least nothing that I can remember. My mom and I only started talking about it only a few weeks before my wedding day.
We were driving in the car together probably on our way to pick up more wedding supplies and she asked, “Why do you need to read books on sex?” Obviously she had seen the books I was reading in my bedroom, "The Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds," and “Sheet Music.”
“There is a lot more to marriage than that… it’s only part of it. Besides, there’s only one way to do it anyways.”
After a few minutes of awkward questions and short answers, our conversation was over. I love my mom and have always known, despite the fighting and the tears, that her and my dad were, and are, best friends.
But her words got me thinking… why did I think sex was so important? Maybe she was right… I don’t need to read anything about it. Maybe I shouldn’t be… am I sinning? Am I reading about something that is so sacred that I should only let God reveal it to me once I am married? As a bride-to-be was I making a bigger deal out of it than I should?
However, I just knew that sex was something deeply profound, spiritual, and not to mention, exciting! I was not reading out of sheer curiosity {although I was definitely intrigued}, I was reading so that God could begin to prepare my heart, mind, and body for the lifelong commitment I was making with my husband. I guess you could say, I did not just want a diploma in marriage, but as Gary Thomas wrote in his book, "Sacred Marriage," I was working toward a PHd in my husband!
I knew the wisdom I was searching for about sex and married life would not happen overnight. It certainly wouldn’t happen through just reading books, listening to sermons, or talking to older women. The mystery of marriage was far deeper than words could ever explain. The real lessons would begin after my husband and I said our vows, in the practical everyday experience of married life.
Although I never had sex before I was married, it’s not to say I didn’t have my own issues to work through. There were perspectives and experiences on sex that needed to be stripped out of mind and heart so that I could lay bare before my husband without shame, embarrassment, guilt, or shyness.
Indeed, God created sex between a man and a wife with a specific purpose in mind. A purpose far greater than anything I had ever thought, been told, or had seen. If sex was started in God’s wild imagination than I wanted to know how He saw it!
After being married one year, I can definitely agree with my mom, “There is more to marriage than just sex.” However, I am making new discoveries everyday of the Grand purpose God had in mind when He created sex. The power it has to heal, restore, unite, and beautify a marriage is beyond what I ever imagined.
We were driving in the car together probably on our way to pick up more wedding supplies and she asked, “Why do you need to read books on sex?” Obviously she had seen the books I was reading in my bedroom, "The Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds," and “Sheet Music.”
“There is a lot more to marriage than that… it’s only part of it. Besides, there’s only one way to do it anyways.”
After a few minutes of awkward questions and short answers, our conversation was over. I love my mom and have always known, despite the fighting and the tears, that her and my dad were, and are, best friends.
But her words got me thinking… why did I think sex was so important? Maybe she was right… I don’t need to read anything about it. Maybe I shouldn’t be… am I sinning? Am I reading about something that is so sacred that I should only let God reveal it to me once I am married? As a bride-to-be was I making a bigger deal out of it than I should?
I knew the wisdom I was searching for about sex and married life would not happen overnight. It certainly wouldn’t happen through just reading books, listening to sermons, or talking to older women. The mystery of marriage was far deeper than words could ever explain. The real lessons would begin after my husband and I said our vows, in the practical everyday experience of married life.
However, I knew had to start letting go of all the incorrect views of sex that I had received along the years and allow God to give me His picture of it.
I asked Him to wipe away the images of my baby-sitter showing me a book on sexual positions that she had found in her parents study room. Sex was more than just pages of mechanical procedures.
I asked him to remove the childish mindset I latched onto when my health teacher made the whole class say, “penis” out loud. Also in that same class sex I needed to erase the memories of all of us 16 year olds learning where the g-spot was on a woman… as if sex was just another casual, ordinary human function like going to the bathroom and any person at any age could handle it!
I asked Him to help me release the shyness and extreme modesty I had that stemmed from the way my body looked. The endless years I engaged in of comparing boobs, skin, and body shape with other women. Sex stretched beyond just the physical.
I asked him to take away the shame I felt in openly talking about sex since I never really had anyone to discuss it with besides a bunch of college girls who were naïve and nervous about it. I wanted to be able to talk to my husband about it someday, and that someday was happening soon!
I asked him to get rid of all the crude and nasty jokes I heard about sex while growing up- just going to high school and hanging around with friends. As well as all the worldly images I had laid up in mind from movies and TV. Sex was much more sacred than they made it out to be.
After being married one year, I can definitely agree with my mom, “There is more to marriage than just sex.” However, I am making new discoveries everyday of the Grand purpose God had in mind when He created sex. The power it has to heal, restore, unite, and beautify a marriage is beyond what I ever imagined.
Now that I am married this is one of the biggest lessons I am learning : Sex is worth taking seriously!
Whether you are married or not… What are some false perceptions you have of sex? How do you need God to help you see it His way?
To - Do #20: Practice the Art of Little Things
I had just come home from grocery shopping and like any usual day my husband was still working at his desk {aka: our kitchen table :) } However, in a matter of minutes, passionate love started to blossom... right there in the middle of the day!
My husband had managed to turn routine into romance! Normal into notable! And the everyday into exciting!
Please join me over at this community today to read the rest!
What ways do you surprise your husband or fiance? It doesn't take much! The most simple and effortless acts of love are most often the ones that bring the most joy in marriage!
To-Do #19: Learn Some Sexy Art :)
Have you
ever thought of sex as an art?
I admit, in the first few months of marriage, sex felt more
like peculiar routine of gymnastic moves, than an enchanting work of art! Our
newly-wed experience led us to the do the same set of moves
every
single
night.
We soon realized a few days into marriage that few books we
had read on sex prior to our wedding were definitely for couples who were far
more experienced than us! But despite that fact, we were practicing and having fun perfecting our skills!
Now that we are
approaching one year of marriage, I feel as though we are only beginning to un-wrap
this beautiful gift of sex that God has given us in marriage. Rather than
sticking by the books, we are slowly learning to color outside the lines, and create
our own unique masterpiece together. {Eeekkk! It’s taking plenty of practice and confidence on my part!}
Sex is becoming more than just our responsibility as a
married couple to one another. It is also more than just a time to simply get
our needs met. How boring!
Rather than sex
starting between the sheets, we are discovering it starts in our hearts. Within the safety and love of
marriage, we are free to be ourselves
and get creative at expressing our love
to one another! Now that’s real fun!
Together,
as a couple, we are spilling paint, using wild colors, and mixing things up to
create a stunning masterpiece with our marriage!
We may only be going into one year of marriage, but twenty
years from now we still want to be practicing and crafting our skills ;) Like
artists who can’t wait to get away from the busyness of life, my husband and I are
learning to anticipate being alone together so we can continue making our
marriage a work of art.
I know all this artsy
talk might sound silly... But let me explain.
Artists brood over their blank canvas. Sometimes they sit
quietly to let their ideas come to life, other times they splatter paint, or
experiment with ingredients, unafraid of making mistakes. Deep in their heart an artist understands this:
They will never become great at what they
do, unless they get alone with their paintbrush, camera, journal, or guitar,
and invest time into their creation.
Inspired artwork, such as a beautiful song,
well-choreographed dance, an awe-inspiring photo, or an eloquent painting is
like a looking glass, with the ability to reach into the depths of the human
heart.
Sadly, in marriage, we
often rush through our time together as a couple so we can just “get ‘er done!” In light of our busy lives, we forget that God
created sex as a place for husband and wife to unlock the mysteries of one
another’s hearts and to touch each other…more than just physically.
There is so much more
room for God-inspired, heaven-revealed creativity in marriage, especially
behind the door of the bedroom! A husband and wife we are a living
testimony to God’s intense love and desire for His Bride. Therefore, marriage
is anything but humdrum or wearisome!
Are creativity, passion, and originality the last things on our mind
when it comes to sex?
Are you fearful of trying something new?
Have you gotten in a routine after 20 plus years of marriage?
Has sex just become something you have to do, or is it truly a work of
art you get to create together?
Are you in need
of some new colors and ideas in your creative
time with your spouse?
Take it from a newlywed woman… It’s time to grab your honey
and get alone together! Connect your hearts. Listen to each other. Freely
discuss together what you desire paint
with your marriage. Be open to God’s
creativity in the way you express your love to one another. Enjoy practicing sex as if it were your
honeymoon, even though you may think you know the drill!
Now, get busy! Make it practical if you know what I mean ;) Have
fun creating an extraordinary masterpiece out of your marriage- in and out of
the bedroom!
To Do #18: Choose Joy Over Plaque:)
Rolling around in my head lately is this little phrase, “It’s just easier to be happy!”
Unfortunately, after nearly one year of marriage I have had to learn the truth of this statement the hard way. I have spent hours and days letting my emotions control me and my reactions towards my husband.
As I think back over the past year of marriage my mind fills with images of ruined dates, and the grudges I held against my husband while on long grueling car rides. I remember the nights we went to bed sleeping as far away from each other as we could get in our little double bed. I reflect on the moments of immaturity when I stomped out of rooms on him or refused to hug him for a whole day.
All of these moments are painful, shameful, and not to mention, just plain miserable! I am held captive by my wounded heart. Life stops. I refuse to move on until I feel like my husband has been adequately punished for the way he has treated me.
In these moments I always think he is the one suffering. Wrong! My grudges, unforgiving heart, and anger only make me suffer! I am sure you know the feeling?
We think we can go on with life, work, and our relationships, but if things are not right with hubby, let’s just be honest, everything is tainted! Our thoughts are consumed with anger. Our eyes are red from crying. The worry creases across our foreheads are more evident. Life seems to come to a standstill. It doesn’t make us beautiful, nor is it fun to let our emotions get the best of us.
Thus the reason I have adopted my new marriage motto, “It’s just easier to be happy!”
After we were done eating breakfast, my husband looked at me with a suspicious gaze. He pulled my face close to his, and instead of coming in for a kiss, he inspected my teeth! Appalled, he explained I had food stuck between every crack and crevice of my pearly whites. I couldn’t believe it! I shrugged it off as no big deal, knowing that I was about to go brush my teeth anyways, but deep down I felt hurt. {Yep, it’s really that easy to feel hurt in marriage!}
As I marched up the stairs to check out the situation, I felt slightly embarrassed that I had disgusted my husband. I smiled in the mirror and saw exactly what he was talking about, it was true. After a thorough brush and floss, my teeth had gained back their glimmering glow. It felt good to be clean. But even more important, it felt good to be happy!
My husband’s honesty could have provoked me to anger and frustration. {It nearly did!} I could have held onto his remark and let it fester into a lie that he is a mean and unloving husband. {Even though I regularly tell him about the crumbs in the corner of his mouth or his bad breath.} But instead, I saw through his disgust to his heart. I was thankful that he loved me enough to tell me the truth.
My march to the mirror, revealed the truth, just like marriage reveals what’s really in my heart. We are forced to come face to face with the reality- who are we and where is the plaque in our lives?
When I see ugly plaque staring back at me in the mirror, I don’t just leave it there. I do something about it! With a smile on my face I go to work taking out the buildup of food and who knows what else!
However in marriage, I most often have been known to do just the opposite. I get angry about what I see, I don’t smile, and meanwhile I let hurts and frustrations build up inside of me.
Being married gives us daily opportunities to become a better person. But in order for that to happen we must put a smile on our face. We must march up to that mirror and…
choose joy.
Everything from insignificant disagreements to a full-on war can be seen as an opportunity to grow into the wife we are called to be. But it only happens when we make a decision to not let our emotions get the last word.
Choosing joy in our marriage means that we realize it’s easier to be happy. The sun shines a little brighter. We feel a little prettier. Our husbands seem a little bit sweeter.
Unfortunately, after nearly one year of marriage I have had to learn the truth of this statement the hard way. I have spent hours and days letting my emotions control me and my reactions towards my husband.
As I think back over the past year of marriage my mind fills with images of ruined dates, and the grudges I held against my husband while on long grueling car rides. I remember the nights we went to bed sleeping as far away from each other as we could get in our little double bed. I reflect on the moments of immaturity when I stomped out of rooms on him or refused to hug him for a whole day.
All of these moments are painful, shameful, and not to mention, just plain miserable! I am held captive by my wounded heart. Life stops. I refuse to move on until I feel like my husband has been adequately punished for the way he has treated me.
In these moments I always think he is the one suffering. Wrong! My grudges, unforgiving heart, and anger only make me suffer! I am sure you know the feeling?
We think we can go on with life, work, and our relationships, but if things are not right with hubby, let’s just be honest, everything is tainted! Our thoughts are consumed with anger. Our eyes are red from crying. The worry creases across our foreheads are more evident. Life seems to come to a standstill. It doesn’t make us beautiful, nor is it fun to let our emotions get the best of us.
Thus the reason I have adopted my new marriage motto, “It’s just easier to be happy!”
Marriage provides 24/7 opportunities for us to put this little statement to the test! Take for instance this morning...
After we were done eating breakfast, my husband looked at me with a suspicious gaze. He pulled my face close to his, and instead of coming in for a kiss, he inspected my teeth! Appalled, he explained I had food stuck between every crack and crevice of my pearly whites. I couldn’t believe it! I shrugged it off as no big deal, knowing that I was about to go brush my teeth anyways, but deep down I felt hurt. {Yep, it’s really that easy to feel hurt in marriage!}
As I marched up the stairs to check out the situation, I felt slightly embarrassed that I had disgusted my husband. I smiled in the mirror and saw exactly what he was talking about, it was true. After a thorough brush and floss, my teeth had gained back their glimmering glow. It felt good to be clean. But even more important, it felt good to be happy!
My husband’s honesty could have provoked me to anger and frustration. {It nearly did!} I could have held onto his remark and let it fester into a lie that he is a mean and unloving husband. {Even though I regularly tell him about the crumbs in the corner of his mouth or his bad breath.} But instead, I saw through his disgust to his heart. I was thankful that he loved me enough to tell me the truth.
My march to the mirror, revealed the truth, just like marriage reveals what’s really in my heart. We are forced to come face to face with the reality- who are we and where is the plaque in our lives?
When I see ugly plaque staring back at me in the mirror, I don’t just leave it there. I do something about it! With a smile on my face I go to work taking out the buildup of food and who knows what else!
However in marriage, I most often have been known to do just the opposite. I get angry about what I see, I don’t smile, and meanwhile I let hurts and frustrations build up inside of me.
Being married gives us daily opportunities to become a better person. But in order for that to happen we must put a smile on our face. We must march up to that mirror and…
choose joy.
Everything from insignificant disagreements to a full-on war can be seen as an opportunity to grow into the wife we are called to be. But it only happens when we make a decision to not let our emotions get the last word.
Choosing joy in our marriage means that we realize it’s easier to be happy. The sun shines a little brighter. We feel a little prettier. Our husbands seem a little bit sweeter.
So next time your husband or fiance brings up some plaque in your life. Take it as an opportunity to become a more beautiful wife! With a smile on your face, choose joy.
Married life is just easier that way anyways!
Now There Are Two in Bed!
My husband couldn't stop coughing.My friend and newly-wed wife, Laetitia King will be guest posting today for the Blushing Bride's Blog ! I am sure you will enjoy her take on married life as you read her humorous, yet important discovery! Her honest perspective on growing into be the wife God has called her to be will inspire all of us to do the same.
We prepared for bed as usual, but suddenly he started coughing uncontrollably. Panic struck! He had just started a new job and all I could think was to get him healed and ready for the next morning. He couldn't afford missing a day of work.
We were only married for three months, and I realized in that moment why you sometimes need to grow into married life. I wasn't sure what to do…
I ran to the kitchen to get him a bottle of water, and then opened the windows for fresh air. When the coughing didn't stop I pulled out a few extra pillows to make him lie more upright. Nothing worked.
And when nothing works the only thing you can do is pray. As I prayed, guilt flooded over me. I started repenting to God for my negligence, not implementing healthy eating habits or buying proper food. I thought of the medicine cupboard that was empty, and my lack of “Grey's Anatomy” skills. If only I had studied medicine for 7 years I wouldn't have felt so helpless! I thought of everything and more.
After a while I ran out of words to pray. I was sitting straight up in my bed, near to tears when George (my husband) turned to me and whispered in a very quiet voice- a voice that was cracking between the waves of coughs that were waiting to break against his throat, “Laetitia, would you mind washing off the perfume you are wearing, it's giving me a Hay Fever attack!
Perfume! Can you believe it! I didn't know whether I wanted to laugh or cry. Perfume, my singleness-smell, my ever-faithful brand came to an abrupt death when my husband nearly died under the stench of its Star-fragrance power. What can I say....except....now there are two in bed!
This can become very frustrating, or very fascinating. Sometimes I find myself promoting my values and ways of doing and forcing it on my husband – George, don't eat the piece of cheese before dinner, please be patient! George, why did you buy a DVD I can't watch – you know I like family friendly movies! George...why?
Sound familiar?
It's funny how comments like these immediately cause pride and place us on a pedestal. And we forget the fascination we once had with your husband. Suddenly the need to protect our own identity and background becomes so strong, that we start criticizing the things our husband does, closing ourselves off for receiving his love. When I get days like these I think back to the perfume incident where God powerfully and humorously reminded me... that there are two in bed!
God made male and female, not to contend, not to strive, but to grow together. We were made to love one another unconditionally. Married life is there to enjoy the different fragrances of your partner – the “I forgot to take out the dustbin” fragrance and the “I burned the food” fragrance!
We are not perfect, but Jesus Christ is. Therefore, I don't have to make my husband perfect. He is already perfect through the Blood of the Lamb.
Our job as ladies is this… to accept the greatest gift God gave us, and start living as the wife God predestined us to be- a wife that remembers everyday…
that now there are two in the bed!
Laetitia and her husband George married in South Africa in March 2010, and are now enjoying their new life together in London. I am sure we will be hearing more from her heart in the coming months!
Here's a little bit more from this amazing woman:
I totally surrendered my life to the Lord at age 16. There were seasons of doubtful hopelessness and frustrating singleness....but never before did I experience God the way I do now after I got married. God is truly good, and marriage helps you wake up with that revelation every day. My passion is to teach young ladies the reality of God, the essence of His love for us and the goodness He pours out in marriage to enjoy each other and Him. My heart is not to write or teach my own man-made philosophies, but I want to give hope to those who are waiting for God’s promises to come to pass. To let everyone know that they are in the Father’s house, and they are allowed to enjoy the blessings God gave us when Jesus died on the cross!
Here's a little bit more from this amazing woman:
I totally surrendered my life to the Lord at age 16. There were seasons of doubtful hopelessness and frustrating singleness....but never before did I experience God the way I do now after I got married. God is truly good, and marriage helps you wake up with that revelation every day. My passion is to teach young ladies the reality of God, the essence of His love for us and the goodness He pours out in marriage to enjoy each other and Him. My heart is not to write or teach my own man-made philosophies, but I want to give hope to those who are waiting for God’s promises to come to pass. To let everyone know that they are in the Father’s house, and they are allowed to enjoy the blessings God gave us when Jesus died on the cross!
All I Really Needed to Know About Marriage I Learned on My Honeymoon...
Despite warnings that the honeymoon would not be real life, I cannot help but think back on how significant it was for our relationship. During that time we experienced the Road to Hana in a convertible Mustang, and snorkeled with sea turtles off the coast of Maui. But even more important, my husband and I are realizing that the honeymoon doesn’t have to be over yet!
In the midst of jobs, responsibilities, and someday kids, my husband and I can still practice making our marriage even more fun, relaxing, and refreshing as our first two weeks alone together! Everyday life seems determined to drain our marriage of all its beauty and color, but then I remember that our love can actually keep growing stronger!
Here’s how to bring your honeymoon back into your house today:
24 hours together for 14 days equaled many lessons learned. Only now am I beginning to realize that everything I needed to know about marriage, I learned on our honeymoon! Okay, so maybe I didn’t learn everything, but it was enough for me to realize our honeymoon doesn’t have to end in one year, five years, or twenty years! Our one bedroom garden cottage in South Africa can still have the feel of a romantic cabin in the woods, with snow all around us, and warm hot chocolate brewing on the stove.
In the midst of jobs, responsibilities, and someday kids, my husband and I can still practice making our marriage even more fun, relaxing, and refreshing as our first two weeks alone together! Everyday life seems determined to drain our marriage of all its beauty and color, but then I remember that our love can actually keep growing stronger!
Here’s how to bring your honeymoon back into your house today:
1) There is nothing that a little bubble bath can’t fix!
Fill the tub {lots of bubbles ofcourse!}, light the candles, play some soft music and jump in! I always blushed when a mentor of mine would mention that bubble baths were a great way to enjoy one another. But now… all the red is gone from my cheeks! I can confidently say the bath tub is our little sanctuary where we can reconnect after a long hard day. The first thing we checked out in our honeymoon hotels was always the bath tub! And to this day, it’s still a priority! 2) Take time to clean.
And no...not house cleaning! I remember the months leading up to our wedding, the night before, and our honeymoon, how intricately I took care of every part of my body ; ) Shaving my legs and other odd hairs down there, smelling pretty, and looking fresh were just things I did. I delighted in preparing myself to be a beautiful bride for my husband and I don’t want to neglect that even though we are more relaxed with one another. All it takes is a few extra minutes in the shower or the bathroom to tidy up for your man! It’s a simple way to say you are excited to be with him! 3) Wear lingerie… often!
I remember my husband’s excitement each day of our honeymoon- he couldn’t wait to see what I would have on! These sexy surprises don’t have to end even though you have been married for months or years. Of course our husbands still love us in our flannel jammies, but a little extra something can go a long way! 4) Take walks together holding hands
We had an opportunity to do this every day of our honeymoon. Sometimes we had a destination in mind, other times we wanted to just be together. Now that we are married we don’t always have the time to do this, but we try our best to make time. Now our destination when we walk is simply this- growing closer to each other and taking the time to let our hearts bond as a couple.5) Give massages.
Touch is a powerful little tool in marriage that often gets ignored. On our honeymoon we brought fun and pretty smelling massage oils with us. One of the most romantic things we did together was take just 5-10 minutes at the end of the day to give each other a much needed massage. Relaxing and rejuvenating are two words that come to mind! 6) An argument does not have to ruin the day.
I thought it would be impossible to fight on a honeymoon. But it’s not! No couple is immune from the disease of selfishness. I often find myself thinking back to the days of our honeymoon when we fought with a backdrop of palm trees and sunshine. The time we had together was too precious to hold grudges or carry unforgiveness the whole day- we had oceans to swim in and sunsets to watch. When disagreements arise I still want to remember that life is beautiful and my husband is too amazing to let bitterness and anger fill our marriage. 7) Watch the sunset.
When was the last time you sat and watched God paint the sky together? The sunset reminds us of God’s faithfulness in our lives and in our marriage. We cannot do it without Him. During our honeymoon and still today, my husband and I always try to steal each other away for those thirty minutes – it’s romantic and brings perspective to our lives. God is painting our relationship more beautifully with each passing day. 8) Sleep in late together!
What’s the rush? Let’s be honest, honeymoons are a little deceiving in this area. I was tempted to think that 50% of married life would occur in bed. Obviously, that’s not true! But there is something sacred about staying in bed together… it’s an art that needs practice! Snuggling, reading, and having no plans, but to just relax under a big comfy down comforter, work wonders for married life! Even when kids come along, there are still ways to make this one of your responsibilities as a married couple!9) Be adventurous!
Take a map, hop in the car, and go discover new places! My husband and I spent many days of our honeymoon just exploring- Hawaii and each other ;) Busyness kills the fun of married life, while adventure keeps time together as couple fresh and full of memories! 10) Take goofy pictures.
Yep. The kind where hold out your long beautiful arm, and where the photo is 90% of contorted faces and 10% scenery. Although you may not be discovering the waterfalls of Jamaica together today, you can still capture the love between the two of you through one click of the camera! And not to mention the laughs that always come from looking at the photo afterwards. 
24 hours together for 14 days equaled many lessons learned. Only now am I beginning to realize that everything I needed to know about marriage, I learned on our honeymoon! Okay, so maybe I didn’t learn everything, but it was enough for me to realize our honeymoon doesn’t have to end in one year, five years, or twenty years! Our one bedroom garden cottage in South Africa can still have the feel of a romantic cabin in the woods, with snow all around us, and warm hot chocolate brewing on the stove.
What are things you want to remember from your honeymoon that can spice up your marriage?
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