To-Do #19: Learn Some Sexy Art :)

  

Have you ever thought of sex as an art? 

I admit, in the first few months of marriage, sex felt more like peculiar routine of gymnastic moves, than an enchanting work of art! Our newly-wed experience led us to the do the same set of moves

every

single

night.

We soon realized a few days into marriage that few books we had read on sex prior to our wedding were definitely for couples who were far more experienced than us! But despite that fact, we were practicing and having fun perfecting our skills! 

Now that we are approaching one year of marriage, I feel as though we are only beginning to un-wrap this beautiful gift of sex that God has given us in marriage. Rather than sticking by the books, we are slowly learning to color outside the lines, and create our own unique masterpiece together.  {Eeekkk! It’s taking plenty of practice and confidence on my part!}

 

Sex is becoming more than just our responsibility as a married couple to one another. It is also more than just a time to simply get our needs met. How boring!  

Rather than sex starting between the sheets, we are discovering it starts in our hearts. Within the safety and love of marriage, we are free to be ourselves and get creative at expressing our love to one another!  Now that’s real fun!

Together, as a couple, we are spilling paint, using wild colors, and mixing things up to create a stunning masterpiece with our marriage!

We may only be going into one year of marriage, but twenty years from now we still want to be practicing and crafting our skills ;) Like artists who can’t wait to get away from the busyness of life, my husband and I are learning to anticipate being alone together so we can continue making our marriage a work of art.  

I know all this artsy talk might sound silly... But let me explain.   

Artists brood over their blank canvas. Sometimes they sit quietly to let their ideas come to life, other times they splatter paint, or experiment with ingredients, unafraid of making mistakes.  Deep in their heart an artist understands this: They will never become great at what they do, unless they get alone with their paintbrush, camera, journal, or guitar, and invest time into their creation.  

Inspired artwork, such as a beautiful song, well-choreographed dance, an awe-inspiring photo, or an eloquent painting is like a looking glass, with the ability to reach into the depths of the human heart.

Sadly, in marriage, we often rush through our time together as a couple so we can just “get ‘er done!”  In light of our busy lives, we forget that God created sex as a place for husband and wife to unlock the mysteries of one another’s hearts and to touch each other…more than just physically. 

There is so much more room for God-inspired, heaven-revealed creativity in marriage, especially behind the door of the bedroom! A husband and wife we are a living testimony to God’s intense love and desire for His Bride. Therefore, marriage is anything but humdrum or wearisome! 

Are creativity, passion, and originality the last things on our mind when it comes to sex?  

Are you fearful of trying something new?

Have you gotten in a routine after 20 plus years of marriage?

Has sex just become something you have to do, or is it truly a work of art you get to create together? 

Are you in need of some new colors and ideas in your creative time with your spouse? 

Take it from a newlywed woman… It’s time to grab your honey and get alone together! Connect your hearts. Listen to each other. Freely discuss together what you desire paint with your marriage. Be open to God’s creativity in the way you express your love to one another. Enjoy practicing sex as if it were your honeymoon, even though you may think you know the drill!

Now, get busy! Make it practical if you know what I mean ;) Have fun creating an extraordinary masterpiece out of your marriage- in and out of the bedroom!  

To Do #18: Choose Joy Over Plaque:)

Rolling around in my head lately is this little phrase, “It’s just easier to be happy!”


Unfortunately, after nearly one year of marriage I have had to learn the truth of this statement the hard way. I have spent hours and days letting my emotions control me and my reactions towards my husband. 

As I think back over the past year of marriage my mind fills with images of ruined dates, and the grudges I held against my husband while on long grueling car rides. I remember the nights we went to bed sleeping as far away from each other as we could get in our little double bed. I reflect on the moments of immaturity when I stomped out of rooms on him or refused to hug him for a whole day.

All of these moments are painful, shameful, and not to mention, just plain miserable!  I am held captive by my wounded heart. Life stops. I refuse to move on until I feel like my husband has been adequately punished for the way he has treated me.

In these moments I always think he is the one suffering. Wrong!  My grudges, unforgiving heart, and anger only make me suffer! I am sure you know the feeling?

We think we can go on with life, work, and our relationships, but if things are not right with hubby, let’s just be honest, everything is tainted! Our thoughts are consumed with anger. Our eyes are red from crying. The worry creases across our foreheads are more evident. Life seems to come to a standstill. It doesn’t make us beautiful, nor is it fun to let our emotions get the best of us.


Thus the reason I have adopted my new marriage motto, “It’s just easier to be happy!” 

Marriage provides 24/7 opportunities for us to put this little statement to the test! Take for instance this morning...

After we were done eating breakfast, my husband looked at me with a suspicious gaze. He pulled my face close to his, and instead of coming in for a kiss, he inspected my teeth!  Appalled, he explained I had food stuck between every crack and crevice of my pearly whites. I couldn’t believe it! I shrugged it off as no big deal, knowing that I was about to go brush my teeth anyways, but deep down I felt hurt. {Yep, it’s really that easy to feel hurt in marriage!}

As I marched up the stairs to check out the situation, I felt slightly embarrassed that I had disgusted my husband.  I smiled in the mirror and saw exactly what he was talking about, it was true. After a thorough brush and floss, my teeth had gained back their glimmering glow. It felt good to be clean. But even more important, it felt good to be happy!

My husband’s honesty could have provoked me to anger and frustration. {It nearly did!} I could have held onto his remark and let it fester into a lie that he is a mean and unloving husband. {Even though I regularly tell him about the crumbs in the corner of his mouth or his bad breath.}  But instead, I saw through his disgust to his heart. I was thankful that he loved me enough to tell me the truth.

My march to the mirror, revealed the truth, just like marriage reveals what’s really in my heart. We are forced to come face to face with the reality- who are we and where is the plaque in our lives?

When I see ugly plaque staring back at me in the mirror, I don’t just leave it there. I do something about it! With a smile on my face I go to work taking out the buildup of food and who knows what else!

However in marriage, I most often have been known to do just the opposite. I get angry about what I see, I don’t smile, and meanwhile I let hurts and frustrations build up inside of me.

Being married gives us daily opportunities to become a better person. But in order for that to happen we must put a smile on our face. We must march up to that mirror and…

choose joy.

Everything from insignificant disagreements to a full-on war can be seen as an opportunity to grow into the wife we are called to be. But it only happens when we make a decision to not let our emotions get the last word.

Choosing joy in our marriage means that we realize it’s easier to be happy. The sun shines a little brighter. We feel a little prettier. Our husbands seem a little bit sweeter.

So next time your husband or fiance brings up some plaque in your life. Take it as an opportunity to become a more beautiful wife! With a smile on your face, choose joy.

Married life is just easier that way anyways!

Now There Are Two in Bed!

My friend and newly-wed wife, Laetitia King will be guest posting today for the Blushing Bride's Blog ! I am sure you will enjoy her take on married life as you read her humorous, yet important discovery! Her honest perspective on growing into be the wife God has called her to be will inspire all of us to do the same.

My husband couldn't stop coughing.

We prepared for bed as usual, but suddenly he started coughing uncontrollably. Panic struck! He had just started a new job and all I could think was to get him healed and ready for the next morning. He couldn't afford missing a day of work.

We were only married for three months, and I realized in that moment why you sometimes need to grow into married life. I wasn't sure what to do…

 I ran to the kitchen to get him a bottle of water, and then opened the windows for fresh air. When the coughing didn't stop I pulled out a few extra pillows to make him lie more upright. Nothing worked.

And when nothing works the only thing you can do is pray. As I prayed, guilt flooded over me. I started repenting to God for my negligence, not implementing healthy eating habits or buying proper food. I thought of the medicine cupboard that was empty, and my lack of “Grey's Anatomy” skills. If only I had studied medicine for 7 years I wouldn't have felt so helpless! I thought of everything and more.

After a while I ran out of words to pray. I was sitting straight up in my bed, near to tears when George (my husband) turned to me and whispered in a very quiet voice- a voice that was cracking between the waves of coughs that were waiting to break against his throat, “Laetitia, would you mind washing off the perfume you are wearing, it's giving me a Hay Fever attack!

Perfume! Can you believe it! I didn't know whether I wanted to laugh or cry. Perfume, my singleness-smell, my ever-faithful brand came to an abrupt death when my husband nearly died under the stench of its Star-fragrance power. What can I say....except....now there are two in bed!

As a passionate follower of the Lord Jesus Christ I sometimes find it challenging to compromise, consider, adapt, and grow in my married life. I am truly happily married, but I think one of the greatest blessings of being joined with your husband is that you have to die to the self-made identity you grew accustomed to in order to actually allow the Holy Spirit to pull your hearts closer to one another. It is in the subtle things where you let go. I like fish, my husband likes red meat. I love eating out, my husband likes eating in. When we work out our budget, my husband likes using the slips, while I look at the final bank statements.

This can become very frustrating, or very fascinating. Sometimes I find myself promoting my values and ways of doing and forcing it on my husband – George, don't eat the piece of cheese before dinner, please be patient! George, why did you buy a DVD I can't watch – you know I like family friendly movies! George...why? 

Sound familiar? 

It's funny how comments like these immediately cause pride and place us on a pedestal. And we forget the fascination we once had with your husband. Suddenly the need to protect our own identity and background becomes so strong, that we start criticizing the things our husband does, closing ourselves off for receiving his love. When I get days like these I think back to the perfume incident where God powerfully and humorously reminded me... that there are two in bed!

God made male and female, not to contend, not to strive, but to grow together. We were made to love one another unconditionally. Married life is there to enjoy the different fragrances of your partner – the “I forgot to take out the dustbin” fragrance and the “I burned the food” fragrance!

We are not perfect, but Jesus Christ is. Therefore, I don't have to make my husband perfect. He is already perfect through the Blood of the Lamb.

Our job as ladies is this… to accept the greatest gift God gave us, and start living as the wife God predestined us to be- a wife that remembers everyday…

 that now there are two in the bed!

Laetitia and her husband George married in South Africa in March 2010, and are now enjoying their new life together in London. I am sure we will be hearing more from her heart in the coming months!

Here's a little bit more from this amazing woman:  
I totally surrendered my life to the Lord at age 16. There were seasons of doubtful hopelessness and frustrating singleness....but never before did I experience God the way I do now after I got married. God is truly good, and marriage helps you wake up with that revelation every day. My passion is to teach young ladies the reality of God, the essence of His love for us and the goodness He pours out in marriage to enjoy each other and Him. My heart is not to write or teach my own man-made philosophies, but I want to give hope to those who are waiting for God’s promises to come to pass. To let everyone know that they are in the Father’s house, and they are allowed to enjoy the blessings God gave us when Jesus died on the cross!

All I Really Needed to Know About Marriage I Learned on My Honeymoon...

Despite warnings that the honeymoon would not be real life, I cannot help but think back on how significant it was for our relationship. During that time we experienced the Road to Hana in a convertible Mustang, and snorkeled with sea turtles off the coast of Maui. But even more important, my husband and I are realizing that the honeymoon doesn’t have to be over yet!

In the midst of jobs, responsibilities, and someday kids, my husband and I can still practice making our marriage even more fun, relaxing, and refreshing as our first two weeks alone together!  Everyday life seems determined to drain our marriage of all its beauty and color, but then I remember that our love can actually keep growing stronger!

  
Here’s how to bring your honeymoon back into your house today: 

1)    There is nothing that a little bubble bath can’t fix!

Fill the tub {lots of bubbles ofcourse!}, light the candles, play some soft music and jump in!  I always blushed when a mentor of mine would mention that bubble baths were a great way to enjoy one another. But now… all the red is gone from my cheeks! I can confidently say the bath tub is our little sanctuary where we can reconnect after a long hard day. The first thing we checked out in our honeymoon hotels was always the bath tub! And to this day, it’s still a priority!

2)     Take time to clean.

And no...not house cleaning! I remember the months leading up to our wedding, the night before, and our honeymoon, how intricately I took care of every part of my body ; ) Shaving my legs and other odd hairs down there, smelling pretty, and looking fresh were just things I did. I delighted in preparing myself to be a beautiful bride for my husband and I don’t want to neglect that even though we are more relaxed with one another.  All it takes is a few extra minutes in the shower or the bathroom to tidy up for your man! It’s a simple way to say you are excited to be with him!

3)    Wear lingerie… often!

I remember my husband’s excitement each day of our honeymoon- he couldn’t wait to see what I would have on! These sexy surprises don’t have to end even though you have been married for months or years. Of course our husbands still love us in our flannel jammies, but a little extra something can go a long way!

4)    Take walks together holding hands

We had an opportunity to do this every day of our honeymoon. Sometimes we had a destination in mind, other times we wanted to just be together. Now that we are married we don’t always have the time to do this, but we try our best to make time. Now our destination when we walk is simply this- growing closer to each other and taking the time to let our hearts bond as a couple.

5)    Give massages.

Touch is a powerful little tool in marriage that often gets ignored.  On our honeymoon we brought fun and pretty smelling massage oils with us. One of the most romantic things we did together was take just 5-10 minutes at the end of the day to give each other a much needed massage. Relaxing and rejuvenating are two words that come to mind! 

6)    An argument does not have to ruin the day.

I thought it would be impossible to fight on a honeymoon. But it’s not! No couple is immune from the disease of selfishness. I often find myself thinking back to the days of our honeymoon when we fought with a backdrop of palm trees and sunshine. The time we had together was too precious to hold grudges or carry unforgiveness the whole day- we had oceans to swim in and sunsets to watch.  When disagreements arise I still want to remember that life is beautiful and my husband is too amazing to let bitterness and anger fill our marriage.  

7)    Watch the sunset.

When was the last time you sat and watched God paint the sky together? The sunset reminds us of God’s faithfulness in our lives and in our marriage. We cannot do it without Him. During our honeymoon and still today, my husband and I always try to steal each other away for those thirty minutes – it’s romantic and brings perspective to our lives. God is painting our relationship more beautifully with each passing day.

8)    Sleep in late together!

What’s the rush? Let’s be honest, honeymoons are a little deceiving in this area. I was tempted to think that 50% of married life would occur in bed. Obviously, that’s not true! But there is something sacred about staying in bed together… it’s an art that needs practice! Snuggling, reading, and having no plans, but to just relax under a big comfy down comforter, work wonders for married life!  Even when kids come along, there are still ways to make this one of your responsibilities as a married couple!

9)    Be adventurous!

Take a map, hop in the car, and go discover new places! My husband and I spent many days of our honeymoon just exploring- Hawaii and each other ;)  Busyness kills the fun of married life, while adventure keeps time together as couple fresh and full of memories!

10)    Take goofy pictures.

Yep. The kind where hold out your long beautiful arm, and where the photo is 90% of contorted faces and 10% scenery.  Although you may not be discovering the waterfalls of Jamaica together today, you can still capture the love between the two of you through one click of the camera! And not to mention the laughs that always come from looking at the photo afterwards.

24 hours together for 14 days equaled many lessons learned.  Only now am I beginning to realize that everything I needed to know about marriage, I learned on our honeymoon! Okay, so maybe I didn’t learn everything, but it was enough for me to realize our honeymoon doesn’t have to end in one year, five years, or twenty years!  Our one bedroom garden cottage in South Africa can still have the feel of a romantic cabin in the woods, with snow all around us, and warm hot chocolate brewing on the stove. 

What are things you want to remember from your honeymoon that can spice up your marriage?

Discover the Real Breakfast of Champions!

Join me over at "She Just Got Married" today as I share one my humorous newlywed discoveries!
Trust me, this one is for engaged or married ladies only :) Hehe!

To-Do #17: Let 'em go!

One of the most difficult things to surrender in my life, at this point, is my husband. If God asks for anything else, I will gladly give it, but when it comes to laying down my man before Him- no way! 


My husband is my best friend. Since moving to South Africa, I have relied on my husband for everything. In a new country, with new friends, a new language, a new culture, I don’t know what I would do without Him. I want Him to be there for me all the time, in every way, and most importantly never ever let me down.  The expectations I have placed on my husband are so high, that it is impossible for him to measure up to them all.


Surrender would mean letting him be free from my expectations. Releasing him from the pressure I know he feels, to please me and make sure I’m happy all the time. He has gone above and beyond my expectations in loving me and caring for me, but I want to do the same. Although emotionally, I don’t feel that I can do this, I know I need to…

I need to surrender my husband. 

This is the deepest love I can show him.  A love that says, “I trust God with your life. I know He will take care of both of us.” This kind of love does not come naturally for me, but the other night God flooded my heart with this love. 

As I received God’s words speaking over me, “Let him go…” I, in turn, wrote these words, 

sorry for making you hurt

i feel like it’s all i do

i wish i could make it better

and make all things new

i know God will heal us

forgive us, change us, renew us

he will grow our marriage stronger

even when we fail Him

i love you so much Michal

in all i say i do I desperately want you to see

that you are the only one for me

im setting you free tonight

giving you to God

I am not placing my expectation in you

but only in my Rock

you are free to do as you please

to enjoy what makes you smile

don't ever worry that I won't be okay

cause I’m learning who i trust

even when we are seperate

i know that i am always welcomed back

into your arms

which by the way is the great place in all the world

besides heaven ofcourse

but to be held by you and loved by you

is the best feeling i've ever felt

i love you so much

Tearfully, I read this poem to my husband. I knew that this was a turning point in our marriage. This only happened a few weeks ago, but since then I have had to make a conscious decision everyday to surrender him… again and again and again.

He does not have to know I am doing this, I only want him to feel it and see it, by the way I am treating him.

The thing that is most dear to us is always the most difficult to give over to God. And for me, at this point in my life, that is my husband.


I have heard from many young women, engaged and married, that surrendering our husbands is extremely difficult.  We consciously and unconsciously cling to them for identity, support, encouragement, advice, and love. We do this because we love them so much. This is the way God made us as women. But it does not stop there.

Our love also needs to go a step further into the realm of surrender. I am learning that more than a one- time prayer to God,
“Lord, I surrender my husband,”
        surrender, is also constant and conscious act of grace everyday of our lives.

Surrender, from my perspective is more than giving up, it actually signifies gain, for both you and your husband.

You both gain…

greater trust and reliance on God.

more intimacy with one another.

more freedom to be yourselves.

healthier and more stable marriage.

Surrender is NOT saying “I can do this life on my own, I don’t need you anymore!”
Rather, surrender IS saying, “We are both imperfect and therefore cannot rely on each other all the time. We must keep God as the center or we will never make it.”

Surrendering our husbands, gives God the freedom He needs to work in our individual lives and in our marriage.


So what are you waiting for… Let him go!

In what ways have you been trying to control your husband or husband-to-be?

Rather than wait until after you big day to do this, go before God now and surrender your husband completely to Him… Besides he is better off in God’s hands than in yours!

To-Do #16: Keep It Simple!

A recent episode and all too often occurence sparked this post. Here is what I learned and how to avoid falling into the same trap I did, and do regularly!

It's entitled, "How to Lose a Date with Hubby in 10 Minutes" Here are steps 1-5...

1)    Start reading into every little thing your husband is saying and doing on the way to the date. Aka: Get really over analytical and super sensitive {saying things like “Are you okay?”, “ What’s wrong?”, “You look like you don’t really want to be here…”}

2)    Continue to let your feelings dictate the evening… feelings of frustration inside you are blurted out in words, “Let’s just sit here…”, “Or what about this place…”

3)    Instead of letting hubby decide on the place to sit and eat you offer your suggestions in harsh tones and sighs of frustration while also rolling your eyes. {Just flat out emotional manipulation.}

4)    Act like a woMAN and decide that sitting outside in the cold is best {even though you are absolutely freezing!}, but at this point you are just “punishing” him for the way he is acting and how indecisive he is being.

5)    You have now succeeded in making the both of you feel miserable. {Congratulations!} You are angry because he is acting like he doesn’t want to be on a date with you, and he is angry because you are being so stinkin’ controlling and emotional.


Click on over to "She Just Got Married Blog" to read the rest!!