Freed by Love!

I'm not here... but here today!




Here's a sneak peak...

"Charissie...Do you know what?"

"What?"

He stares into my eyes with a look that only I am privileged to see, "I LOVE YOU."

A smile breaks across my face. We squeeze each other tightly, savoring the moment as if it were our first hug. Although held in his arms and wrapped in his love, my heart feels completely free.

Join me over at  She Just Got Married to read the rest!

A Real Wedding Dress.

We are honored to have my friend and newlywed wife, Laetitia King ,sharing her heart with us again! In this post she details a beautiful revelation she had about her wedding dress...  every woman can relate!

I didn’t want to take my wedding dress off! My sister warned me (after she got married) that every bride grows strangely attached to the piece of material wrapped around her body on her wedding day. Even though I only wore it for six hours, it felt as if it has been part of me all my life. Maybe it was because of all the effort that went into dreaming about it. Not that I am someone that thought of it since I was five, but when George asked me to marry him, I knew my dress had to be special. It had to be well-defined, unique, a dress that revealed my style, my taste, and made me beautiful.

In search of this perfect dress, many questions went through my mind.

If I was in a fairy tale, what would I wear...and what not?
                     Would my husband like what I choose?
         Will I make the right choice?

Luckily I knew the answer to that question long before my wedding day. I knew it the first time I saw the white ball gown in the old movie “My Fair Lady.” When I saw the dress in the movie it spoke to me.

It was a vintage dress with lace and pearls shimmering in the light. I was captivated as I watched an ordinary street lady walk down the stairs looking like a queen. The movie was my first real encounter with a make-over. Feelings of enchantment washed over me, when I saw the woman changed from an ugly duckling to a gracious swan. It was a scene worth remembering.


Every bride seems to hold her breath as she slips into her wedding dress for the first time. She gazes into the mirror. The power of the moment is overwhelming. A little girl turns into a woman, a commoner transforms into a Queen, a single woman becomes a wife! 

This is exactly what I felt when I became the wife of George King. Wow! When I saw everyone looking at me walking down the aisle, I felt like a queen. It wasn’t an unusual feeling...rather it was a very familiar feeling.

During my journey with God as a single He taught me the true value of being His bride. But when I put my wedding dress on that day, my spirit leaped within me. A new realization swept over me. I was exactly what God promised, exactly what God intended, exactly what God designed. 

But then... the time came where I had to take off the dress. It was dreadful. I felt stripped from the preciousness I felt during the wedding celebration. In just one breath, I became myself again.

A normal person.

In normal clothes.

A commoner.

A nobody.

There are many moments in life that want to strip us of our Royalty, and steal the preciousness of living. Times of anger, frustration, and confrontation often leave us feeling naked, common. Like a no-body.
Sometimes we look at our physical circumstances, and we are tempted to feel robbed. We may look at our bank account, the time we spend in traffic, our performance appraisal from our boss, or just the lack of romance in our marriage, and we wonder... who am I? We feel stripped of our crown.

Often times, we choose the wrong action. We become dissatisfied and lonely, depressed and downcast. Instead of feeling like a Queen in God’s kingdom we simply feel like a guest at a wedding.

But God has clothed us with Christ. In that powerful historic event of His crucifixion we were transformed to be a Child of God. A Queen. We can once again hold our breath, wrap ourselves in the character of Christ, and choose to put on His likeness. Our wedding dress of righteousness fits perfectly. We can be confident that we are the beautiful Bride of Jesus Christ.


What will the guests of earth say about us? Hopefully, they will be found saying...

Wow...where did you find such beautiful material? How did you manage to get all your flaws covered? How did you become so gorgeous? Who chose the material you are wearing? Why did you transform from a nobody to Royalty? 

And may your answer be...

Only those wrapped in Christ will know! 

In Christ, we get to wear a wedding dress every day and experience the same feelings we had on our wedding day! This revelation will impact our daily lives- from how we work, speak, and love our husbands. 

Have you chosen to put on this wedding dress that Jesus offers us?

Two Little Words We Need To Learn!

I am not here today, but here!

Join me as I talk about two little words I have learned in marriage that are just as important as "I'm sorry!" I won't give it away... you have to go check it out for yourself :)

Do you have His Perspective on Sex?

Growing up, although I was naïve and sheltered, I had this innate sense that sex was something very beautiful and worth waiting for until marriage. My parents never told me anything, at least nothing that I can remember. My mom and I only started talking about it only a few weeks before my wedding day.

We were driving in the car together probably on our way to pick up more wedding supplies and she asked, “Why do you need to read books on sex?” Obviously she had seen the books I was reading in my bedroom, "The Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds," and “Sheet Music.”

“There is a lot more to marriage than that… it’s only part of it. Besides, there’s only one way to do it anyways.” 

After a few minutes of awkward questions and short answers, our conversation was over. I love my mom and have always known, despite the fighting and the tears, that her and my dad were, and are, best friends.

But her words got me thinking… why did I think sex was so important? Maybe she was right… I don’t need to read anything about it. Maybe I shouldn’t be… am I sinning? Am I reading about something that is so sacred that I should only let God reveal it to me once I am married? As a bride-to-be was I making a bigger deal out of it than I should? 

However, I just knew that sex was something deeply profound, spiritual, and not to mention, exciting! I was not reading out of sheer curiosity {although I was definitely intrigued}, I was reading so that God could begin to prepare my heart, mind, and body for the lifelong commitment I was making with my husband. I guess you could say, I did not just want a diploma in marriage, but as Gary Thomas wrote in his book, "Sacred Marriage," I was working toward a PHd in my husband! 

I knew the wisdom I was searching for about sex and married life would not happen overnight. It certainly wouldn’t happen through just reading books, listening to sermons, or talking to older women. The mystery of marriage was far deeper than words could ever explain. The real lessons would begin after my husband and I said our vows, in the practical everyday experience of married life. 

However, I knew had to start letting go of all the incorrect views of sex that I had received along the years and allow God to give me His picture of it.

I asked Him to wipe away the images of my baby-sitter showing me a book on sexual positions that she had found in her parents study room. Sex was more than just pages of mechanical procedures. 

I asked him to remove the childish mindset I latched onto when my health teacher made the whole class say, “penis” out loud. Also in that same class sex I needed to erase the memories of all of us 16 year olds learning where the g-spot was on a woman… as if sex was just another casual, ordinary human function like going to the bathroom and any person at any age could handle it! 

I asked Him to help me release the shyness and extreme modesty I had that stemmed from the way my body looked. The endless years I engaged in of comparing boobs, skin, and body shape with other women. Sex stretched beyond just the physical. 

I asked him to take away the shame I felt in openly talking about sex since I never really had anyone to discuss it with besides a bunch of college girls who were naïve and nervous about it. I wanted to be able to talk to my husband about it someday, and that someday was happening soon!

I asked him to get rid of all the crude and nasty jokes I heard about sex while growing up- just going to high school and hanging around with friends. As well as all the worldly images I had laid up in mind from movies and TV. Sex was much more sacred than they made it out to be. 

Although I never had sex before I was married, it’s not to say I didn’t have my own issues to work through. There were perspectives and experiences on sex that needed to be stripped out of mind and heart so that I could lay bare before my husband without shame, embarrassment, guilt, or shyness.

Indeed, God created sex between a man and a wife with a specific purpose in mind. A purpose far greater than anything I had ever thought, been told, or had seen. If sex was started in God’s wild imagination than I wanted to know how He saw it!

After being married one year, I can definitely agree with my mom, “There is more to marriage than just sex.” However, I am making new discoveries everyday of the Grand purpose God had in mind when He created sex. The power it has to heal, restore, unite, and beautify a marriage is beyond what I ever imagined.

Now that I am married this is one of the biggest lessons I am learning  : Sex is worth taking seriously! 

Whether you are married or not… What are some false perceptions you have of sex? How do you need God to help you see it His way?

To - Do #20: Practice the Art of Little Things

I had just come home from grocery shopping and like any usual day my  husband was still working at his desk {aka: our kitchen table :) }  However, in a matter of minutes, passionate love started to blossom...  right there in the middle of the day!

My husband had managed to turn routine into romance! Normal into notable! And the everyday into exciting!

Please join me over at this community today to read the rest! 

 

What ways do you surprise your husband or fiance? It doesn't take much! The most  simple and effortless acts of love are most often the ones that bring  the most joy in marriage!

To-Do #19: Learn Some Sexy Art :)

  

Have you ever thought of sex as an art? 

I admit, in the first few months of marriage, sex felt more like peculiar routine of gymnastic moves, than an enchanting work of art! Our newly-wed experience led us to the do the same set of moves

every

single

night.

We soon realized a few days into marriage that few books we had read on sex prior to our wedding were definitely for couples who were far more experienced than us! But despite that fact, we were practicing and having fun perfecting our skills! 

Now that we are approaching one year of marriage, I feel as though we are only beginning to un-wrap this beautiful gift of sex that God has given us in marriage. Rather than sticking by the books, we are slowly learning to color outside the lines, and create our own unique masterpiece together.  {Eeekkk! It’s taking plenty of practice and confidence on my part!}

 

Sex is becoming more than just our responsibility as a married couple to one another. It is also more than just a time to simply get our needs met. How boring!  

Rather than sex starting between the sheets, we are discovering it starts in our hearts. Within the safety and love of marriage, we are free to be ourselves and get creative at expressing our love to one another!  Now that’s real fun!

Together, as a couple, we are spilling paint, using wild colors, and mixing things up to create a stunning masterpiece with our marriage!

We may only be going into one year of marriage, but twenty years from now we still want to be practicing and crafting our skills ;) Like artists who can’t wait to get away from the busyness of life, my husband and I are learning to anticipate being alone together so we can continue making our marriage a work of art.  

I know all this artsy talk might sound silly... But let me explain.   

Artists brood over their blank canvas. Sometimes they sit quietly to let their ideas come to life, other times they splatter paint, or experiment with ingredients, unafraid of making mistakes.  Deep in their heart an artist understands this: They will never become great at what they do, unless they get alone with their paintbrush, camera, journal, or guitar, and invest time into their creation.  

Inspired artwork, such as a beautiful song, well-choreographed dance, an awe-inspiring photo, or an eloquent painting is like a looking glass, with the ability to reach into the depths of the human heart.

Sadly, in marriage, we often rush through our time together as a couple so we can just “get ‘er done!”  In light of our busy lives, we forget that God created sex as a place for husband and wife to unlock the mysteries of one another’s hearts and to touch each other…more than just physically. 

There is so much more room for God-inspired, heaven-revealed creativity in marriage, especially behind the door of the bedroom! A husband and wife we are a living testimony to God’s intense love and desire for His Bride. Therefore, marriage is anything but humdrum or wearisome! 

Are creativity, passion, and originality the last things on our mind when it comes to sex?  

Are you fearful of trying something new?

Have you gotten in a routine after 20 plus years of marriage?

Has sex just become something you have to do, or is it truly a work of art you get to create together? 

Are you in need of some new colors and ideas in your creative time with your spouse? 

Take it from a newlywed woman… It’s time to grab your honey and get alone together! Connect your hearts. Listen to each other. Freely discuss together what you desire paint with your marriage. Be open to God’s creativity in the way you express your love to one another. Enjoy practicing sex as if it were your honeymoon, even though you may think you know the drill!

Now, get busy! Make it practical if you know what I mean ;) Have fun creating an extraordinary masterpiece out of your marriage- in and out of the bedroom!  

To Do #18: Choose Joy Over Plaque:)

Rolling around in my head lately is this little phrase, “It’s just easier to be happy!”


Unfortunately, after nearly one year of marriage I have had to learn the truth of this statement the hard way. I have spent hours and days letting my emotions control me and my reactions towards my husband. 

As I think back over the past year of marriage my mind fills with images of ruined dates, and the grudges I held against my husband while on long grueling car rides. I remember the nights we went to bed sleeping as far away from each other as we could get in our little double bed. I reflect on the moments of immaturity when I stomped out of rooms on him or refused to hug him for a whole day.

All of these moments are painful, shameful, and not to mention, just plain miserable!  I am held captive by my wounded heart. Life stops. I refuse to move on until I feel like my husband has been adequately punished for the way he has treated me.

In these moments I always think he is the one suffering. Wrong!  My grudges, unforgiving heart, and anger only make me suffer! I am sure you know the feeling?

We think we can go on with life, work, and our relationships, but if things are not right with hubby, let’s just be honest, everything is tainted! Our thoughts are consumed with anger. Our eyes are red from crying. The worry creases across our foreheads are more evident. Life seems to come to a standstill. It doesn’t make us beautiful, nor is it fun to let our emotions get the best of us.


Thus the reason I have adopted my new marriage motto, “It’s just easier to be happy!” 

Marriage provides 24/7 opportunities for us to put this little statement to the test! Take for instance this morning...

After we were done eating breakfast, my husband looked at me with a suspicious gaze. He pulled my face close to his, and instead of coming in for a kiss, he inspected my teeth!  Appalled, he explained I had food stuck between every crack and crevice of my pearly whites. I couldn’t believe it! I shrugged it off as no big deal, knowing that I was about to go brush my teeth anyways, but deep down I felt hurt. {Yep, it’s really that easy to feel hurt in marriage!}

As I marched up the stairs to check out the situation, I felt slightly embarrassed that I had disgusted my husband.  I smiled in the mirror and saw exactly what he was talking about, it was true. After a thorough brush and floss, my teeth had gained back their glimmering glow. It felt good to be clean. But even more important, it felt good to be happy!

My husband’s honesty could have provoked me to anger and frustration. {It nearly did!} I could have held onto his remark and let it fester into a lie that he is a mean and unloving husband. {Even though I regularly tell him about the crumbs in the corner of his mouth or his bad breath.}  But instead, I saw through his disgust to his heart. I was thankful that he loved me enough to tell me the truth.

My march to the mirror, revealed the truth, just like marriage reveals what’s really in my heart. We are forced to come face to face with the reality- who are we and where is the plaque in our lives?

When I see ugly plaque staring back at me in the mirror, I don’t just leave it there. I do something about it! With a smile on my face I go to work taking out the buildup of food and who knows what else!

However in marriage, I most often have been known to do just the opposite. I get angry about what I see, I don’t smile, and meanwhile I let hurts and frustrations build up inside of me.

Being married gives us daily opportunities to become a better person. But in order for that to happen we must put a smile on our face. We must march up to that mirror and…

choose joy.

Everything from insignificant disagreements to a full-on war can be seen as an opportunity to grow into the wife we are called to be. But it only happens when we make a decision to not let our emotions get the last word.

Choosing joy in our marriage means that we realize it’s easier to be happy. The sun shines a little brighter. We feel a little prettier. Our husbands seem a little bit sweeter.

So next time your husband or fiance brings up some plaque in your life. Take it as an opportunity to become a more beautiful wife! With a smile on your face, choose joy.

Married life is just easier that way anyways!