Join me over at "She Just Got Married" today as I share one my humorous newlywed discoveries!
Trust me, this one is for engaged or married ladies only :) Hehe!
Discover the Real Breakfast of Champions!
Join me over at "She Just Got Married" today as I share one my humorous newlywed discoveries!
Trust me, this one is for engaged or married ladies only :) Hehe!
To-Do #17: Let 'em go!
One of the most difficult things to surrender in my life, at this point, is my husband. If God asks for anything else, I will gladly give it, but when it comes to laying down my man before Him- no way!
My husband is my best friend. Since moving to South Africa, I have relied on my husband for everything. In a new country, with new friends, a new language, a new culture, I don’t know what I would do without Him. I want Him to be there for me all the time, in every way, and most importantly never ever let me down. The expectations I have placed on my husband are so high, that it is impossible for him to measure up to them all.
Surrender would mean letting him be free from my expectations. Releasing him from the pressure I know he feels, to please me and make sure I’m happy all the time. He has gone above and beyond my expectations in loving me and caring for me, but I want to do the same. Although emotionally, I don’t feel that I can do this, I know I need to…
I need to surrender my husband.
This is the deepest love I can show him. A love that says, “I trust God with your life. I know He will take care of both of us.” This kind of love does not come naturally for me, but the other night God flooded my heart with this love.
As I received God’s words speaking over me, “Let him go…” I, in turn, wrote these words,
Tearfully, I read this poem to my husband. I knew that this was a turning point in our marriage. This only happened a few weeks ago, but since then I have had to make a conscious decision everyday to surrender him… again and again and again.
He does not have to know I am doing this, I only want him to feel it and see it, by the way I am treating him.
The thing that is most dear to us is always the most difficult to give over to God. And for me, at this point in my life, that is my husband.
I have heard from many young women, engaged and married, that surrendering our husbands is extremely difficult. We consciously and unconsciously cling to them for identity, support, encouragement, advice, and love. We do this because we love them so much. This is the way God made us as women. But it does not stop there.
Our love also needs to go a step further into the realm of surrender. I am learning that more than a one- time prayer to God,
“Lord, I surrender my husband,”
surrender, is also constant and conscious act of grace everyday of our lives.
Surrender, from my perspective is more than giving up, it actually signifies gain, for both you and your husband.
Surrender is NOT saying “I can do this life on my own, I don’t need you anymore!”
Rather, surrender IS saying, “We are both imperfect and therefore cannot rely on each other all the time. We must keep God as the center or we will never make it.”
Surrendering our husbands, gives God the freedom He needs to work in our individual lives and in our marriage.
So what are you waiting for… Let him go!
My husband is my best friend. Since moving to South Africa, I have relied on my husband for everything. In a new country, with new friends, a new language, a new culture, I don’t know what I would do without Him. I want Him to be there for me all the time, in every way, and most importantly never ever let me down. The expectations I have placed on my husband are so high, that it is impossible for him to measure up to them all.
Surrender would mean letting him be free from my expectations. Releasing him from the pressure I know he feels, to please me and make sure I’m happy all the time. He has gone above and beyond my expectations in loving me and caring for me, but I want to do the same. Although emotionally, I don’t feel that I can do this, I know I need to…
I need to surrender my husband.
This is the deepest love I can show him. A love that says, “I trust God with your life. I know He will take care of both of us.” This kind of love does not come naturally for me, but the other night God flooded my heart with this love.
As I received God’s words speaking over me, “Let him go…” I, in turn, wrote these words,
sorry for making you hurt
i feel like it’s all i do
i wish i could make it better
and make all things new
i know God will heal us
forgive us, change us, renew us
he will grow our marriage stronger
even when we fail Him
i love you so much Michal
in all i say i do I desperately want you to see
that you are the only one for me
im setting you free tonight
giving you to God
I am not placing my expectation in you
but only in my Rock
you are free to do as you please
to enjoy what makes you smile
don't ever worry that I won't be okay
cause I’m learning who i trust
even when we are seperate
i know that i am always welcomed back
into your arms
which by the way is the great place in all the world
besides heaven ofcourse
but to be held by you and loved by you
is the best feeling i've ever felt
i love you so much
Tearfully, I read this poem to my husband. I knew that this was a turning point in our marriage. This only happened a few weeks ago, but since then I have had to make a conscious decision everyday to surrender him… again and again and again.
He does not have to know I am doing this, I only want him to feel it and see it, by the way I am treating him.
The thing that is most dear to us is always the most difficult to give over to God. And for me, at this point in my life, that is my husband.
I have heard from many young women, engaged and married, that surrendering our husbands is extremely difficult. We consciously and unconsciously cling to them for identity, support, encouragement, advice, and love. We do this because we love them so much. This is the way God made us as women. But it does not stop there.
Our love also needs to go a step further into the realm of surrender. I am learning that more than a one- time prayer to God,
“Lord, I surrender my husband,”
surrender, is also constant and conscious act of grace everyday of our lives.
Surrender, from my perspective is more than giving up, it actually signifies gain, for both you and your husband.
You both gain…
greater trust and reliance on God.
more intimacy with one another.
more freedom to be yourselves.
healthier and more stable marriage.
Surrender is NOT saying “I can do this life on my own, I don’t need you anymore!”
Rather, surrender IS saying, “We are both imperfect and therefore cannot rely on each other all the time. We must keep God as the center or we will never make it.”
Surrendering our husbands, gives God the freedom He needs to work in our individual lives and in our marriage.
So what are you waiting for… Let him go!
In what ways have you been trying to control your husband or husband-to-be?
Rather than wait until after you big day to do this, go before God now and surrender your husband completely to Him… Besides he is better off in God’s hands than in yours!
To-Do #16: Keep It Simple!
A recent episode and all too often occurence sparked this post. Here is what I learned and how to avoid falling into the same trap I did, and do regularly!
It's entitled, "How to Lose a Date with Hubby in 10 Minutes" Here are steps 1-5...
1) Start reading into every little thing your husband is saying and doing on the way to the date. Aka: Get really over analytical and super sensitive {saying things like “Are you okay?”, “ What’s wrong?”, “You look like you don’t really want to be here…”}
2) Continue to let your feelings dictate the evening… feelings of frustration inside you are blurted out in words, “Let’s just sit here…”, “Or what about this place…”
3) Instead of letting hubby decide on the place to sit and eat you offer your suggestions in harsh tones and sighs of frustration while also rolling your eyes. {Just flat out emotional manipulation.}
4) Act like a woMAN and decide that sitting outside in the cold is best {even though you are absolutely freezing!}, but at this point you are just “punishing” him for the way he is acting and how indecisive he is being.
5) You have now succeeded in making the both of you feel miserable. {Congratulations!} You are angry because he is acting like he doesn’t want to be on a date with you, and he is angry because you are being so stinkin’ controlling and emotional.
Click on over to "She Just Got Married Blog" to read the rest!!
To-Do #15: Bring Him the Whole Package!
“Floating heads.” With just two words, this phrase caught me off guard. I could not read any further in the article. My mind began to fill with images of the days when I sat shivering in front of the heater, while a heavy blanket of insecurity covered my inner and outer beauty from me. The mirror revealed my destiny- I had to keep trying. I was still not whole. I squirmed in my chair as my thoughts took me back to a place when I was desperately seeking fulfillment- in all the wrong places.
It was a place where the groans of an empty stomach were more appetizing than the laughter of a confident heart. I had exchanged the delight of being a vibrant confident woman, for being a” floating head.” Not exactly the bargain I intended to make, nor what I aspired to be in life.
It was a place where the groans of an empty stomach were more appetizing than the laughter of a confident heart. I had exchanged the delight of being a vibrant confident woman, for being a” floating head.” Not exactly the bargain I intended to make, nor what I aspired to be in life.
Happiness. Health.
Wholeness. These were foreign concepts to a
girl who had become an expert at denial. Although
an eating disorder left me nibbling the crumbs of cake, I was also taking
meager servings of life. Life was a single scene running over in my mind-
how to stay thin.
I did not need a doctor or a
psychiatrist to tell me the prognosis- I was dying on the outside and the
inside. The thought of never being able to have children crossed my mind on
occasion, but it was not enough motivation to make me want to gain weight. The
realization that this obsession was sabotaging every relationship in my life had
the strength of a flickering light; its impact was too weak for me to want
healing.
My femininity was dissolving
quickly. Taking with it my health, happiness, and wholeness. I never wanted to
return to that place again.
The
article I was reading this past week titled, “National Obsession,” by Counseling Today, got me thinking about
my past, as well as many other women who struggle in this area of body image. Its contents laid bare the gruesome details
and statistics of eating disorders that are now common place in today’s
society. Women are willingly sacrificing
their innate beauty for a plastic shell of superficiality.
Perhaps
even worse was this- starting in the first grade, young girls were already
being awakened to their weight and appearance. Their carefree childhood
snatched away amidst the fears of gaining weight and becoming fat.
But the two words in the middle
of the article had the most impact on me.
A
counselor spoke of how she called her eating disorder clients, “floating heads.” She continued, “They
are so disconnected with their own bodies, they don't even recognize body
sensations, and if they do recognize body sensations, they automatically
interpret them as 'something is wrong’.”
A wave of sadness rushed over me. I exhaled
with a heavy sigh.
Floating
heads. I whispered it again to myself. These two words made me
cringe because I knew they described the fate of many women today. One honest young woman wrote the
following words to me, in regards to how she perceives herself, “I'm
not in a place where I have a healthy self-image at all. There was a time when
I did, and I know I will get there at some point again, but God is working hard
on me in this area, and Satan is trying even harder.”
Unfortunately
this is true for many women, the enemy is trying his best to get us to
subscribe to a destructive diet that tells us to hunt for wholeness outside of
Christ, in appearances, exercise, careers, activities, relationship, food…you
can fill in the blank. As a result we become satisfied with temporary
fulfillment, and we are left skimping out on real life. Living in wholeness is
a distant dream, a floating head is
our reality.
Although
popular, beware of this deadly diet! It amounts to nothing but…
Physical sickness. Relational
emptiness. Spiritual dryness. Emotional exhaustion. Sexual insecurity.
Do
you realize that your wholeness comes from Christ alone? We
become beautiful women as we shamelessly indulge in the abundant life that God has
given us.
When I finally had this
revelation I began leaping up and down my hallway exclaiming, “I am a woman!”
(When was the last time you did that?!)
Contrary
to being an overly exuberant and outspoken feminist, I was simply declaring
that I was fully alive. God had shown me the emptiness of trying to find
wholeness and femininity in the fleeting fads of the world. I was finally
taking big bites of life.
More than
just a head out of touch with the rest
of my body, I became a whole woman. Body,
soul, and spirit. No longer floating around without purpose, I
became securely grounded in the truth.
(Ephesians 3:19)
Physically strong. Relationally
fulfilled. Spiritually alive. Emotionally stable. Sexually confident.
This is a revelation worth tasting
for yourselves! It is sweeter than chocolate
because it will also melt over into our marriage. So… can you remember when you consciously took an oversized
portion of life? Has it been awhile since you have savored and enjoyed your
marriage?
A
singing soul and energetic spirit brings more vitality to our marriage than our
physical appearance or lame endeavors to find wholeness ever will. (Proverbs 31:30)
Instead
of constantly taking from our
husbands, thinking they can fill what is lacking in our lives, we can be
fulfilled women, who confidently give ourselves
without restraint to our husband- emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Our husbands will
be overjoyed to know that we are not ashamed to be a woman, boldly asking for
second helpings of the life God has given us. Intimacy with our true love will
be revitalized, and furious love making sessions will ensue when we are a happy,
healthy, and whole woman. Besides, this is way more attractive than the
national obsession of being a floating head!
Would
you characterize yourself as happy, healthy, and whole?
Are
you taking meager servings of life- do you need God to take you off this diet
so that you can celebrate your femininity and your marriage?
This post was also featured on Shannon Ethridge's Sexually Confident Wife Blog.
To-Do #14: Speak His Heart Language...
We all know men speak another language than women. Husbands and wives naturally communicate in entirely different styles. But add to that mix, the fact my husband’s first language is Afrikaans. Although he speaks better and more eloquent English than me, I was convinced our marriage would never be hindered by any language barriers. Or at least that is what I thought!
About a year before my husband and I were engaged a friend asked me, “So are you going to learn Afrikaans?”
About a year before my husband and I were engaged a friend asked me, “So are you going to learn Afrikaans?”
Wondering if I am taking on the challenge of learning to speak my hubby's heart language?
Check out the rest, over at author/speaker Tricia Goyer's Website...
To Do #13- Learn What's Better Than a Morning Cup of Coffee!
Although you may only be engaged, it is not too late to start asking God to give you his perspective on this amazing gift that he has given us in marriage- __ __ __ {SEX!} It is something I had to work through while I was preparing for marriage {just saying the word took practice for me!}, since I became more fully aware of all the misconceptions and wrong ideas I had about sex. Although I was giddy with anticipation for the wedding night, I also wanted to make sure there was nothing that hindered me from giving all of me to my husband.
As wives, this is one of the greatest gifts we can give our husbands- our desire for him sexually. {I can’t believe I am writing about this, considering I would be at least 4 shades of red by now!!}
But God has changed me. I asked him to. I wanted to have His perspective on this beautiful gift of sex. I knew my naïve beliefs and ideas would not make for a healthy marriage.
So for today’s to-do, I would challenge you as a soon- to- be wife to begin to see sex as better than your morning cup of coffee! {Eeeekkk! I can’t believe I’m saying this!} If you are not a coffee drinker than fill in the blank with whatever calls you out of bed in the morning, awakes your senses, and gets you going. For me, it’s normally a big bowl of cereal or a steaming cup of hot chocolate.
Without sharing too much detail, I can say that my husband and I have been discovering the beauty of sex. It just keeps getting better and better. We are learning, that more than just a physical act, that might rejuvenate our tired bodies, sex runs much deeper. It draws us spiritually together. It builds as closer in our friendship. Sex also brings a unity, that does not just stay in the bedroom, but binds us together in our everyday lives, our hearts, and decisions. Sex is better than a morning cup of coffee for more reasons that I can list!
But sadly, some women would rather roll out of bed for a low-fat caramel mocha, rather than some intimate time with the love of their life. {not saying you can’t have both!} But as I read in one book, “Husbands want sex in the morning, wives want sex in June.” Let this statistic not define us as women. It’s time we start learning to sip a cup of our husband’s love before taking in a cupful of caffeine.
Don’t think sex can be this good? Then there is no better time than to start preparing yourself for the beauty of sex within marriage, than while you are engaged. Ask God to come and give you His idea of sex. I guarantee you He will help you to see that it is more delightful than a morning cup of coffee. Sex with our husband is one thing that we can get addicted too! { yipes! Is that me talking!}
So before you drive down to Starbuck's to get your coffee fix for the day, let God fix your eyes on Him, so that you can see sex within marriage for what it really is.
Now that's yummy!
Now that's yummy!
To- Do#12: Love the Nerdy Side
My living room is beginning to look we are preparing for a rocket launch.
It’s official I said to my husband, “You are a nerd!” A smile spread across both our faces and we laughed.
This is part of my husband that deep in the back of my mind I always… possibly…maybe if I tried hard enough, thought I could change.
He is a passionate engineer, loves his job, and it’s beautiful. He is a genius in my eyes. A sexy smart man! Currently he is working from home {aka our living room!}. So oftentimes he has his boy toys spread out across the floor. He is testing new products, trying to fix problems, or programming some spaceship looking objects. Antenna, wires, computers… oh my!
This is not exactly the sweet country home I had dreamt about, at least not yet. But instead of changing his nerdy little ways, in 8 short months, this side of him has become a major attraction to me not a distraction. I am pleasantly surprised to find that I absolutely love seeing my husband engaged fully in his work and enjoying it {most of the time!}.I have made peace with the fact that my designer decorations can wait. Our little two bedroom cottage is just right for us as newlyweds, even if it doubles as a gateway into the solar system {chuckle}.
I love my drop dead gorgeous intelligent husband!
The thing that I thought would be our biggest point of clashing has become a source of inspiration for me.
My hardworking husband motivates me to put my heart into everything I do, whether it’s work, relationships, or cooking.
There were moments where I wanted to take his computer and throw it in the garbage, but now I relish in my husband’s uniqueness. To see him succeed in what his heart and hands find to do is my biggest joy! I want my hubby to be free to by himself with me.
And in the end, possibly…maybe… I think… I am the one who needed to change.
Before you pray God changes him, pray first that
God changes you.
Let your wedding and marriage be a celebration of the differences you both have, and find a way each day to encourage him to be exactly the man God's called him to be!
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