“Floating heads.” With just two words, this phrase caught me off guard. I could not read any further in the article. My mind began to fill with images of the days when I sat shivering in front of the heater, while a heavy blanket of insecurity covered my inner and outer beauty from me. The mirror revealed my destiny- I had to keep trying. I was still not whole. I squirmed in my chair as my thoughts took me back to a place when I was desperately seeking fulfillment- in all the wrong places.
It was a place where the groans of an empty stomach were more appetizing than the laughter of a confident heart. I had exchanged the delight of being a vibrant confident woman, for being a” floating head.” Not exactly the bargain I intended to make, nor what I aspired to be in life.
It was a place where the groans of an empty stomach were more appetizing than the laughter of a confident heart. I had exchanged the delight of being a vibrant confident woman, for being a” floating head.” Not exactly the bargain I intended to make, nor what I aspired to be in life.
Happiness. Health.
Wholeness. These were foreign concepts to a
girl who had become an expert at denial. Although
an eating disorder left me nibbling the crumbs of cake, I was also taking
meager servings of life. Life was a single scene running over in my mind-
how to stay thin.
I did not need a doctor or a
psychiatrist to tell me the prognosis- I was dying on the outside and the
inside. The thought of never being able to have children crossed my mind on
occasion, but it was not enough motivation to make me want to gain weight. The
realization that this obsession was sabotaging every relationship in my life had
the strength of a flickering light; its impact was too weak for me to want
healing.
My femininity was dissolving
quickly. Taking with it my health, happiness, and wholeness. I never wanted to
return to that place again.
The
article I was reading this past week titled, “National Obsession,” by Counseling Today, got me thinking about
my past, as well as many other women who struggle in this area of body image. Its contents laid bare the gruesome details
and statistics of eating disorders that are now common place in today’s
society. Women are willingly sacrificing
their innate beauty for a plastic shell of superficiality.
Perhaps
even worse was this- starting in the first grade, young girls were already
being awakened to their weight and appearance. Their carefree childhood
snatched away amidst the fears of gaining weight and becoming fat.
But the two words in the middle
of the article had the most impact on me.
A
counselor spoke of how she called her eating disorder clients, “floating heads.” She continued, “They
are so disconnected with their own bodies, they don't even recognize body
sensations, and if they do recognize body sensations, they automatically
interpret them as 'something is wrong’.”
A wave of sadness rushed over me. I exhaled
with a heavy sigh.
Floating
heads. I whispered it again to myself. These two words made me
cringe because I knew they described the fate of many women today. One honest young woman wrote the
following words to me, in regards to how she perceives herself, “I'm
not in a place where I have a healthy self-image at all. There was a time when
I did, and I know I will get there at some point again, but God is working hard
on me in this area, and Satan is trying even harder.”
Unfortunately
this is true for many women, the enemy is trying his best to get us to
subscribe to a destructive diet that tells us to hunt for wholeness outside of
Christ, in appearances, exercise, careers, activities, relationship, food…you
can fill in the blank. As a result we become satisfied with temporary
fulfillment, and we are left skimping out on real life. Living in wholeness is
a distant dream, a floating head is
our reality.
Although
popular, beware of this deadly diet! It amounts to nothing but…
Physical sickness. Relational
emptiness. Spiritual dryness. Emotional exhaustion. Sexual insecurity.
Do
you realize that your wholeness comes from Christ alone? We
become beautiful women as we shamelessly indulge in the abundant life that God has
given us.
When I finally had this
revelation I began leaping up and down my hallway exclaiming, “I am a woman!”
(When was the last time you did that?!)
Contrary
to being an overly exuberant and outspoken feminist, I was simply declaring
that I was fully alive. God had shown me the emptiness of trying to find
wholeness and femininity in the fleeting fads of the world. I was finally
taking big bites of life.
More than
just a head out of touch with the rest
of my body, I became a whole woman. Body,
soul, and spirit. No longer floating around without purpose, I
became securely grounded in the truth.
(Ephesians 3:19)
Physically strong. Relationally
fulfilled. Spiritually alive. Emotionally stable. Sexually confident.
This is a revelation worth tasting
for yourselves! It is sweeter than chocolate
because it will also melt over into our marriage. So… can you remember when you consciously took an oversized
portion of life? Has it been awhile since you have savored and enjoyed your
marriage?
A
singing soul and energetic spirit brings more vitality to our marriage than our
physical appearance or lame endeavors to find wholeness ever will. (Proverbs 31:30)
Instead
of constantly taking from our
husbands, thinking they can fill what is lacking in our lives, we can be
fulfilled women, who confidently give ourselves
without restraint to our husband- emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Our husbands will
be overjoyed to know that we are not ashamed to be a woman, boldly asking for
second helpings of the life God has given us. Intimacy with our true love will
be revitalized, and furious love making sessions will ensue when we are a happy,
healthy, and whole woman. Besides, this is way more attractive than the
national obsession of being a floating head!
Would
you characterize yourself as happy, healthy, and whole?
Are
you taking meager servings of life- do you need God to take you off this diet
so that you can celebrate your femininity and your marriage?
This post was also featured on Shannon Ethridge's Sexually Confident Wife Blog.
